Like most everybody else, I had a lot of opinions about parenting before I became a parent. I was never gonna let my kid do this; my kid would never act like that. So when I actually had kids, I was knocked swiftly and painfully off that parenting pedestal because — surprise! — it’s a whole lot harder in practice than it is in theory.
Thankfully, I grew up in a time before social media, when I didn’t have an internet soapbox from which to express those garbage opinions to the general public. But unfortunately that isn’t the case for Emma, a fresh-faced and childless TikTok-er in her early 20s who is blowing up for all the wrong reasons: namely, her (suuuuper-unpopular) hot take on the cost of childcare.
It all started a week ago, when Emma posted a response video to another TikTok in which a millennial mom was saying that millennials can’t afford to have children: an opinion which, according to Emma, highlights the problem with “This whole mindset that really permeates our society that makes people think they can’t have kids when, really, they can.”
“She’s taking into account things like childcare,” Emma (one of 11 children who were raised in a two-parent household by a stay-at-home-mom) opined in her video, before launching headfirst into hot water by following up with, “You only need childcare if you’re prioritizing your career.” *cue record scratch sounds*
Hmm … so if you just prioritize your children instead of your career, you can have all the kids you want and financial stability? Got it. She advises that if we’d just save a little money by doing things like shopping for our kids at cheaper places, we could afford to stay home with them.
Predictably, TikTok has had a field day with this, yielding not only over 15K comments, but also a ton of videos in response — ranging from outright roasting Emma to lamenting her naivety.
“This entire video is privileged and tone deaf. Sincerely, a millennial mom of 5 kids,” said one commenter. “Emma, have kids in this economy & circle back, sis,” wrote another. And then there was the simple “Bless your heart,” which, if you’re familiar with the phrase, isn’t actually all that much of a blessing.
Then there were the response videos. Some are hilarious, like user @kait_hh, a tired-looking mom on a couch who yells to her partner offscreen, “Babe! Babe, a 22-year-old on TikTok figured it out. We just have to stop making our career a priority, and then we can pay our bills.”
Some were more empathetic toward Emma’s … ahem, misdirection, offering words of wisdom, like user @beingbecki_. “You need your ass handed to you sometimes,” she said gently. “You need it to happen to grow, and to learn. You need to be embarrassed; you need to be told that you’re wrong. … I hope at 22 you can realize that there are so many more experiences beyond your own, and that you can take this and learn from it.”
Out of all of these, though, my personal favorite commentary on the Emma debacle is a compassionate take from @thisisitTV.
“Emma’s parents did their job,” says Cheldin Barlatt Rumer, owner of the account. “And what I mean by that is, Emma’s parents made sure that she didn’t know what it took to raise 10 children. … Emma’s parents allowed her to believe that it was simply just making better choices.”
Barlatt Rumer went on to point out that this is pretty much what every parent tries to do. “As a parent what we do is we make sure you are unaware of the difficulties. That you do not see it. You do not hear it. You do not feel it,” she said. “Emma’s parents made sure that she felt seen and heard, but didn’t see and hear everything. And that’s what we are trying to do. … This post is simply just to celebrate all the parents out there that are making sure that their children are protected from the stress of raising them, of providing for them, of being there for them.” (See her TikTok here.)
So true! We parents go to great lengths to make our kids feel happy and loved — even if that sometimes (lots of times?!) means sacrifices on our part. And Emma’s statements, as inflammatory as they feel to many of us, were most likely coming from a combination of youthful, kid-less inexperience, and the result of an upbringing where she was protected from the sometimes-harsh realities that come along with raising kids.
Unfortunately, Emma posted a follow-up video that was less of an apology and more of a doubling-down on her original statements, lambasting the “hostile women” responding to the original video. The hateful commentary, she insists, “really says a lot more about the opposing viewpoint than it does about my take.”
Sigh. Hostile or compassionate, it appears that none of the feedback she’s received is sinking in — but as parents know, she’ll find out for herself sooner or later. As one of the comments on her follow-up video says: “Life has a way of humbling any of us. Once that happens you will have more grace for everyone.”
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