If you’re already rolling your eyes, you’re not alone. More than 7 thousand Redditors were floored by this archaic family feud from the “Am I The A—hole? (AITA?)” subreddit. A 60-year-old dad with three adult children (two sons and a daughter) has an issue with his middle son, age 28, and his 27-year-old daughter-in-law, Bee.
“During their wedding planning six months ago, Bee made it clear she values her independence and feminism, opting not to take our family’s last name to maintain her identity,” the man who originally posted (the “OP”) said. “I respect her decision, despite our family tradition favoring surname sharing.”
Ha.
Ha.
Ha.
Sure you do.
WIBTA for Not Paying for My DIL’s Travel Because She Insists on Her Independence and Won’t Take Our Family Name?
byu/No_Average3297 inAmItheAsshole
Also, can we take a moment to address “our family tradition favoring surname sharing?” As if that hasn’t been the patriarchal Western standard forever? Your family, u/No_Average3297/, are indeed very average. That is not a tradition unique to your family. Also, “sharing.” HA!
“I genuinely appreciate Bee; she’s a wonderful partner for my son, albeit sometimes her strong opinions and idealistic views seem to overlook her privilege,” OP said. Um. What? Can we please have more context on that one?!
Other Wedding Woes
You’ll be shocked (not) to hear that this wasn’t the only part of the nuptials that OP took issue with. He said Bee was “assertive” in her desire to “break from tradition” and decided not to have flower girls, not to be walked down the aisle by her father, and not to have a mother-son dance. To each their own!
“I felt she was rather rude to my wife who was sad she wouldn’t be partaking in a mother-son dance, i.e. not understanding why she would be sad there wouldn’t be a dance,” OP said. And while we can understand the mom’s disappointment, we almost always say that the couple gets to make the final call — no matter what the rest of the family thinks. And we were really happy to hear Bee’s future hubby stood by her. (As he should!)
“Although I funded the wedding, I kept my feelings to myself after my son requested not to add to their stress,” OP said.
The Fallout
It’s time to plan a family vacation, and OP and his wife tend to (generously!) cover the costs since finances are “not an issue” for them. This year, they’re planning a “luxurious” trip to the Maldives and OP decided he’ll only pay for those “bearing our last name.”
“After Bee’s continuous emphasis on independence and breaking from tradition, I felt this was a reasonable stance,” OP said. “… My rationale is that Bee’s firm stance on independence should extend to navigating the repercussions of their decisions, financial ones included.”
You’re kidding, right?! Talk about petty!
“My son is disappointed, and my wife believes I’m being overly rigid, arguing that family support transcends proving a point,” OP said. “I’m torn between respecting Bee’s independence and wanting to assist them.” Oh, cry us a river. Don’t play dumb, Boomer. This is absolutely about proving a point and not about respecting Bee.
That’s just how the SheKnows team feels … but what about Reddit?
Reddit’s Reaction
Reddit is on the same train. Because it’s 2024! And brides don’t have to take the groom’s last name! Patriarchy be damned.
“The way you’ve presented this, you’re making it clear that your withholding the vacation funds is all about punishing your DIL for making different decisions,” the top commenter said, bolding their points for emphasis. “Your reasons are small and pathetic. So what if she didn’t take your surname? Is your ego really that fragile? And let’s be honest, this is all about your ego.
“I was wondering — if OP’s daughter gets married and takes the husband’s name, will she then not get invited because she has another name?” one Redditor asked. “Or, if she doesn’t take the man’s name, will she not get invited because she isn’t enough of a subservient woman?”
Another person pointed out that of course OP’s daughter will take her husband’s name! With a dad like him, you have to imagine she was raised “proper” with feet “planted firmly on the ground.”
“She doesn’t subscribe to flights of fancy such as feminism, independence, or critical thinking. What poppycock! She won’t have time to go on vacations anyways, as she’ll be at home raising her children and tending to her husband’s every need.”
If you’re wondering what Reddit’s advice is to the newlyweds? They’ve ignored the whole vacation thing and are just thinking about petty name changes to stoke the fire. Perhaps the son should take Bee’s last name out of spite. Or they could create a new last name to share. Preferably, per one Redditor, “something innocuous sounding that says that my dad/FIL is a dick.”
“..Mr. and Mrs F*ckdad, your table is ready…” someone responded. And just like that, Bee and her husband’s retaliation plan could be ready.
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