Parents on Reddit have Big Feelings about cheating. As they probably should! But we’ve definitely seen them get out of hand. Like when this asinine dad was mad at his 7-year-old for being “unfaithful” to her “boyfriend.” *Jaw drop*
This time, on the “Am I The A—hole? (AITA?)” subreddit, we’re met with a man who has a 16-year-old son, “J.” The man who originally posted (the “OP” in Reddit lingo) said that J’s mom took off 12 years ago. OP said he’s “done his best” as a single parent, and that J has never given him much reason to take on an “‘authoritative’ role.”
“My son has always been my best friend,” he said sweetly. “… He’s always been the kind of kid who just needed a guiding hand in the right direction. He’s smart, level-headed, and generally a very caring person.”
J’s Love Life
OP shared that his son has been dating a “nice” and “respectful” 16-year-old girl, “E,” for about two years now. A couple of weeks ago, E was over and she and J got into a “pretty heated argument,” and so E asked OP for a ride home.
“I let J know [I was taking her] and asked if he’s OK,” OP said. “He said he’s a bit frustrated, and maybe some space would be a good idea.”
When OP got home, J explained what happened. As a courtesy to his son, OP didn’t give the details, but he said it was a “common argument” for couples.
“J said he would talk to her once he had a more level head. Everything sounded reasonable.”
But right when things sound reasonable, that’s when sh*t hits the fan on Reddit.
Here Comes OP
A few days ago, J said he had a friend coming over. OP was tired from working overtime, so he went ahead and took a nap. When he woke up, he heard a woman’s voice downstairs. And no, it was not E’s voice.
“I come downstairs to J kissing an unfamiliar girl,” OP said. “I asked J if he could help me with something quickly.”
*Wink wink*
When OP got J away from Mystery Girl, he asked who she was and was told she’s “just a friend.” (What do you think, Biz Markie?!) Turns out this was all a ploy to get E to “pull her head out of her a**.” Whatever the hell that means.
Nope! Nope, nope, nope. That was not going to fly with OP. He told J that either he could tell E himself, or he would. J called his dad’s bluff, but OP quickly called E’s dad to clue him in. E subsequently broke up with J (as she probably should have!), and then J turned his anger on his dad.
Following? That’s a lot of letters, I know.
“I yelled at J to pack his stuff and that until he can learn he owes E an apology and accept responsibility, he will be staying with his aunt,” OP said. “I take his car keys, my sister picks him up and he leaves pissed.”
It’s been several days and J is still refusing to reach out. “I spoke with my friend about the situation and he told me I should have let it be,” OP said. “J knows I don’t condone cheating but maybe my buddy is right. AITA?”
Reddit’s Reaction
OK, OK, let’s just get it out of the way: Cheating is bad. But is J the “a—hole?”…meh. Reddit isn’t so convinced. J isn’t the villain — he’s the teenager.
“I think you overreacted,” said the top comment with 2.2 thousand upvotes. “At that age, your kid should never have home taken away … I totally agree with the argument, calling E’s dad, and setting some sort of punishment … What that punishment should be? I don’t know. That’s the hard part about parenting. ESH, but you most of all for forcing your kid to stay elsewhere. The punishment outweighs the crime.”
“Your teenager did a stupid. This is what teenagers do.”
“YTA You are supposed to be the adult. J is a child. Raise him. Teach him. Discuss things with him. But kicking him out? Nope … that’s not parenting.”
Many Redditors pointed out that this could have been a trauma response from OP and that perhaps there was infidelity between him and J’s mom. But that’s for OP to figure out on his own — not for him to take out on J.
“Well the kid probably has trauma too from his mother abandoning him and OP just did the same.”
“It sure is a trauma for his son. He will never be able to trust his father 100% like he did before. Every time they disagree (and he is a teen so this is a given) he is going to wonder if his father will throw him out of his house.”
“And this was the teachable moment that is now gone. Hopefully the aunt is better at this than OP.”
And on and on it went. People were begging OP to stay out of teenagers’ love lives. And Redditors were reminding each other that sending a kid to their relative’s house is (thankfully) much different from full-on kicking them out. Ultimately, they don’t have the time to pick on J and his BS. OP is the a—hole, they say. OP is the one to blame.
“You made a bad parenting call. Do better You’re the adult, he’s a teenager.”
Update
OP graciously came back to Reddit to update his post and thanked Redditors for the “reality check.”
“While my son knows my feelings about cheating, very explicitly so, telling him to leave to live with my sister was in fact a poor choice,” OP said. “I shouldn’t have reacted that way, this is his home and always will be.”
“I just got off the phone with my son and he apologized for crossing a line ‘I had drawn in the sand’ by his words,” he continued. “I apologized to him and said … I shouldn’t have made him feel like his home is something that can be taken away from him … he will always have a place to land on his feet here in our home … We had a long conversation and I think we have a better understanding of each other’s boundaries and roles now.”
OP went on to share that his son’s “friend” was not aware of E and is “giving J sh*t for using her.” He apparently apologized to E, but she’s still upset (fair!) and that their future remains unclear.
“I should have put more thought into what I was doing at the time,” OP conceded. “I still refuse to allow cheating in my home, but a home is not a possession to be taken away from a person. It’s his as much as mine and I never want him to feel like it’s off limits to him again. My sister is of course, giving us both a bit of grief in her light-hearted way.”
Well, that just might be the most productive, game-changing Reddit we’ve ever read.
AITA for throwing my son out of the house?
byu/AITAthrowaway123344 inAmItheAsshole
Before you go, check out these unbelievable stories about Reddit’s worst dads.
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