Danielle Brooks has it all figured out.
Well, maybe that’s an exaggeration. Just like all moms, the Oscar nominee is taking it day by day when it comes to parenting her daughter Freeya. She’s learning how to teach her 4-year-old how to make her bed, ride a bike, and deal with miniature bullies. That’s (understandably!) an ever-evolving work in progress.
But what Danielle Brooks does have figured out is Mother’s Day. The star of The Color Purple knows exactly what she wants to have happen and how she’s going to make it happen.
(Psst! You’re going to want a pen and paper ready for this one…)
Brooks gave her husband Dennis Gelin a list of all the things that she wants him to do for Mother’s Day. A “Honey To-Do List.”
“So if he doesn’t get it done, we will have problems,” she tells SheKnows in a kidding-not-kidding kind of fashion. (Better get on it, Dennis!)
And it really is such a brilliant and — for some wild reason — groundbreaking strategy. When I sat down with Brooks, she was partnering with Pampers Swaddlers 360 — the newest innovation (with ultrasoft absorbent layers and up to 100% leakproof skin protection!) from the beloved diaper brand that saved her when Freeya was little and prone to diaper rashes and eczema — and I asked her why more moms don’t do this.
She told me she just read a book about marriage and it said that women tend to spend a lot of time getting angry at their partners for not meeting their expectations when they could have just told them what they wanted.
“So I’m trying to get out of this phase like, ‘You should have known what I wanted,'” she says. “Instead, I’m just gonna write it out for you. I can get upset if you don’t deliver that, but I’m not gonna get upset for you trying to be a mind reader.”
Right! Not to add one more thing to a mom’s ever-growing to-do list, but if you want to have a rejuvenating day alone, you shouldn’t wait to be surprised by what your partner has planned for you. They may not have gotten you face masks and bath bombs. They may have gotten you a family gathering and baked goods.
And sure, it’s nice to be surprised with a special piece of jewelry and flowers, but if you want X, tell your partner! Otherwise, you might end up with Y or Z and some lingering sadness that a day that’s supposed to be about celebrating you didn’t pan out the way you would have hoped.
“I’ll let you know on Monday [if it worked out],” she jokes, curious about whether her husband will understand the very. clear. assignment.
A parenting assignment that Brooks feels she’s been excelling at lately is being patient and redirecting her daughter. Both are vital skills when it comes to being the mom of a 4-year-old.
“I never had patience before having a child,” she admits. Even in the morning, when she’s watching the clock and knows that if she doesn’t get out the door in time to take Freeya to her Montessori school she’s going to get charged — “There’s gonna be consequences for mommy,” she jokes — she knows she has to step back, breathe, and be patient if she wants to really teach Freeya the fundamentals of a morning routine.
As for redirection, she thinks it’s a great tool to help parents not have to deal with so many meltdowns. For example, she loves cooking with Freeya. Of course, Freeya can’t do anything that involves a hot stove. And so instead of telling her little cheerleader, “Oh no, you can’t help with this part,” she redirects her to another very important task. *Wink wink*
“I will put a bowl to the side with some seasonings that are about to be outdated and just let her do her thing,” she says with a laugh. “And that’s helped me … instead of watching her have a temper tantrum about how she can’t help me, I’m finding a way for her to still have an activity and feel like she’s helping.”
Now that’s an idea truly worthy of a chef’s kiss! Maybe Freeya’s dad can think of an equally brilliant way for her to “help” with the Honey To-Do List too.
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