There I was, minding my own business, wrapping up my workday (incidentally, in a career I find fulfilling), when I saw a headline about Kansas City Chiefs kicker Harrison Butker’s very inflammatory commencement speech at Benedictine College. In it, he railed against abortion, euthanasia, COVID-19, IVF, Pride Month, and pretty much every other hot-button right-wing talking point. But I’m not even going to get into the rest of what he said, which is also trash. Because as awful as it all was, I’m irretrievably stuck on the message he sent to the female graduates.
“I want to speak directly to you briefly, because I think it is you, the women, who have had the most diabolical lies told to you,” he word-vomited in their direction. “How many of you are sitting here now, about to cross this stage, and are thinking about all the promotions and titles you are going to get in your career? Some of you may go on to lead successful careers in the world, but I would venture to guess that the majority of you are most excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world.” He then added his own two cents about when his wife’s life started to have value: “I can tell you that my beautiful wife, Isabelle, would be the first to say her life truly started when she began living her vocation as a wife and as a mother.”
… Excuse me? What in the Don Draper is this?
I mean, if that’s what she always dreamed of doing, I am genuinely happy for her — and society should unequivocally support it. Live your dream, Isabelle! But that’s the thing: had Isabelle — or any woman — desired something more for herself outside of the home, these archaic viewpoints would mean that support would go right out the window, and she’d be laughed right back into the kitchen. Women’s ambitions are only valid when they include “leaning into their vocation” of wife and mother? Have we time-traveled back to the 1950s?
I am the mother of four sons, and I’ve spent literally their entire lifetimes teaching them — both in word and in action — that women are free to make the choices that work for them. They have seen me as a stay-at-home mom, and they have seen me transition into the workplace and watched the development of my career over the years. Perhaps even more importantly, they’ve seen my husband’s unwavering support of each life decision I’ve made, each pursuit of a new professional goal. They are fortunate to have living, breathing examples of this in their lives. But what about the kids who don’t? What about the kids who see one of their sports idols, an athlete they look up to, essentially saying to women, “Good for you for getting this silly little degree, and having your cute little fantasies about a career. But what you really should be doing is getting pregnant and fixing your man a sandwich.”
I don’t want my sons to expect a subservient, “Biblically correct” wife. I want them to have a wife that is happy. A wife that is fulfilled by her role, whatever that may be — whether it’s stay-at-home mom or high-powered executive or any point on the (very) broad spectrum in between. I want my boys to be husbands who radically support their wife’s dreams, and who are proud of watching her soar to new heights in whatever role she chooses to embrace. To be men who don’t idealize the thought of women being pigeonholed into traditional roles, but instead realize that not all women want to do those things, and that’s OK.
To the women whose life goal is to be wives and mothers and create a warm and loving home, I applaud you. To the women whose eyes are on an enriching professional career, I applaud you. To the women who want to have it all — who want to have children but aren’t content to be defined solely by motherhood — I applaud you too! Because the point is, women should be able to live their lives on their own terms … not laboring under some outdated expectation of what they “should” be doing as women. And certainly not as an accessory to men.
The Kansas City Chiefs — with three Super Bowl wins in the last four years, arguably the most talented quarterback currently in the NFL, and a high-profile tight end who is dating Taylor freaking Swift (who Butker infuriatingly referred to as “my teammate’s girlfriend”) — are definitely having a moment. When someone from the team speaks, the world is more likely to listen now than ever before. Which is what makes Butker’s sh*tty soapbox speech feel particularly egregious.
Look, I was born and raised in Missouri. I am a dedicated Kansas City Chiefs fan who hails from a long line of dedicated Chiefs fans, and currently live in a die-hard Chiefs household, so the last thing I want to do is hate on any of its players. But Harrison Butker is making the team look bad right now — and the Chiefs’ silence so far is, unfortunately, making them look worse.
Yes, the commencement speech was for a Catholic college, whose students’ viewpoints probably align more closely with Butker’s than mine do. Yes, I knew Butker was unashamedly churchy and open about his faith. And yes, folks are entitled to their opinions. But even under those circumstances, the level of sexism he displayed — especially considering he has such a large platform from which to broadcast it — was jaw-dropping. He may have attempted (poorly) to disguise it as benevolent advice, but most of the world sees it for what it is: a missive that hurtles the advances of feminism back into the Stone Age.
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