6. Report questionable activity
Make sure your child knows to immediately log off the computer and inform you if they encounter anything or anyone suspicious while online. Online predators are a real threat, but discussing online social behaviors and particularly cyberbullying may be one of the most important conversations you have with your kids. A random 2015 sample study of 11- to 15-year-olds in the Midwest found that more than 34 percent of children had been the victim of cyberbullying.
“If someone is bullying you via text or social media, immediately block their number, and block them on any social media channels. Do not respond to any messages, but keep them as documentation. In many states, threats of violence via text or social media constitute a crime. If you’re being bullied, in person or digitally, it’s important to tell trusted adults — parents, teachers, counselors, etc. — to get support and assistance. Consider joining one of many online support groups for kids who have been targeted by bullies. Isolation is one of the worst consequences of bullying, so seek valuable support early on,” Arthur says. “Remember that responsibility for the bully’s behavior rests squarely with him or her, not you.”
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7. Set guidelines and expectations
Bookmark sites that are acceptable for your children to visit, and let them know which sites they are prohibited from. Determine the amount of time they are allowed to spend on the internet daily. Establish consequences if rules are not followed. “When kids first get a mobile device, there should be an understanding by all parties that the parents have full access to the contents of their phone and can also revoke privileges at any time,” Tahnk advises. “Parents should exercise the right of full access, checking the phone regularly and also serving as the ‘app approver’ of each app that your child wants to download. Of course, additional parental controls, like browser/privacy settings, should be implemented as well.”
8. Practice digital manners
Today it’s not so much about keeping computers in a public area of the house for safety purposes. That’s pretty unrealistic when you consider that both kids and adults are using internet-connected devices, whether it’s a phone, tablet, laptop or PC, anywhere they please. This brings us to one of our biggest points — maintaining social awareness, even with mobile device use. And these manners start from the top and work their way down, Tahnk says. “In terms of digital etiquette, parents are the first line of modeling and should exhibit behaviors they want their kids to emulate, now and in the future — that is, no phones at the table, making eye contact and not hunched over phones when being spoken to, no phones while driving, etc. Introducing kids to a digital world involves common sense, common courtesy and communication.”
9. Install parental filters
The basic wisdom used to be — know what sites your children are visiting, and password-protect sites that are not acceptable for your family. Now, for parents, there are a lot more tech filters to take into account, but fortunately technology is also on our side. At the very least, Horne recommends, “Spend the time or money for good blocking software. You want to have a ‘nanny’ program in the public PC that blocks any site that you or your spouse have not approved in advance. Never install software which works in reverse — that is, the kind that blocks only sites you have forbidden. There are dozens of ways to get around them.”
Lynette Owens, the founder and global director of Trend Micro’s Internet Safety for Kids and Families program, says parents can use what they already have to build an online safety net around their kids. “There are features or services on iPads, laptops, mobile phones, gaming devices and even your cable provider or ISP that help you restrict the content your kids can use or see when they are online. These features go by many names, like parental controls or restrictions, and can do everything from filtering content or blocking apps that are too old for them, requiring a password for in-app purchases or limiting the amount of time they are online.”
According to Owens, spending time on better understanding these free parental controls can save you money in the long run. She also suggests encouraging kids to set their own boundaries by focusing on striking a balance between online and offline time.
10. Connect with your community
Last but not least, Owens suggests reaching out to others to make the internet safety message you’ve been yammering about stick. “Every parent knows that our kids aren’t just influenced by the things we say and do. Other families’ choices may influence our kids too. They may have different rules about when, where and with whom they use the internet and what they are allowed to see and do while they are there. So talk to other parents, neighbors, relatives and even your child’s teachers.”
Reaching out to other families and relatives allows you to learn from one another, and it may even give you some much-needed support when online issues pop up — like that hot, new and potentially dangerous app all the kids are using. “The internet is a powerful tool and a vast place full of people and knowledge, and the rules and norms of it are still being written. As parents, we should be with our kids every step of the way as they learn to traverse it and become safe, responsible and savvy users of it,” Owens says.
Originally published November 2010. Updated August 2016.
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