Talking to our children about racism is not easy, nor is it fun. Families of color have the heartbreaking job of telling their kids that some people in the world don’t see them as equal. White families have to show their children that their job is to stand up for others and embrace differences. If you’re looking for a good place to start, you might be able to gather some tips from an unlikely source: The many celebrity parents who have shared how they talk to their children about race and racism.
“[R]egardless of money or status, they’re always going to have their skin color,” Chrissy Teigen previously told Marie Claire of broaching the issue with her two oldest children, Luna and Miles.
Celebrity parents, for us, illustrate the fact that the talk about racism looks different for different types of families. That’s become very evident as we read and watch interviews with Black artists like Alicia Keys, Regina King, Kerry Washington, and David Oyelowo, who have had to work out how to build up in their children a pride in their roots with so much caution for the way certain law institutions are set up to treat them. White parents of mixed-race or adopted Black children — most famously, Angelina Jolie and Charlize Theron — also have to navigate some tricky waters, acknowledging their own privilege and choking back the horrible truth that there are still so many out there who see their babies as lesser.
Then there are the white parents of white children who have come to realize that there should be no such thing as shielding our children’s innocence when it comes to racism. They’re old enough to see race and to understand unfairness as toddlers, so that is when the time is optimal for parents to show them how to stand up for others.
Maybe it seems strange to turn to the likes of Reese Witherspoon, Blake Lively, or Kristen Bell for lessons on race and parenting. They’re certainly not where the conversation should end. We’re just taking this moment to applaud all of these famous moms and dads for using their platforms to share that they have taken this important step. The more everyone hears about these conversations from all aspects of their lives, the more they become the status quo.
Here are some of our favorite quote from celebrity parents on teaching their children about racism.
A version of this story was originally published in July 2020.
Alicia Keys
The musician and mother of two told Huffington Post (while promoting her latest album, ALICIA) that her goal in teaching her kids about racism is “for us to even be more conscious of the things people say that might be, you know, not exactly how it goes or filled with stereotyping or, you know, racial profiling, or whatever it is that happens because it’s been taught. Key shares 5-year-old Genesis and 9-year-old Egypt with husband Swizz Beatz.
“We’ve been having it,” Keys said of the racism talk. “Even my little one, he’s only 5 and you know, he’s asking things, and I realized that I’m much more direct with him than I was with my first just because I guess I realized that it’s just time to be really clear about these things and start the conversation, of course in an age-appropriate way, but start it now. We can’t talk about it later, we can’t ignore it. Like they’re gonna be the ones to change it really.”
Chrissy Teigen & John Legend
“There are books that I read when I became a mom that would explain to them hard and traumatic situations,” Chrissy Teigen said in Marie Claire. “But it’s really hard to teach them about their privilege; there are no books for that. But regardless of money or status, they’re always going to have their skin color. When it comes to them being treated differently because of the color of their skin, I’m going to look to John for a lot of help with that because while they are Asian and white too, their skin color is Black. We just try to talk to them like little adults, saying it in words they’ll understand, making it known that it’s very serious, and letting them ask as many questions as they need.”
Previously, Legend had also acknowledged the challenge of teaching his kids about this so young. “Right now, we’re just trying to teach her to love who she is, love where she comes from and know that she’s loved and valued,” he told OprahMag.com.
Kerry Washington
Kerry Washington told Jimmy Kimmel that she wants to teach her children about Black history by beginning long before slavery. “Black people were a lot of things before segregation and Jim Crow and the Civil Rights Movement,” she said. “So that we understand the beautiful complexity and elegance and richness of Black History before refusing to be put in the back of the bus.”
Joanna & Chip Gaines
“Chip and I were talking and this whole idea of this color-blind thing came up and Chip said, ‘You know, I’m proud I think our kids are colorblind,’” Joanna Gaines, who is half-Korean, told former NFL player Emmanuel Acho when the whole family sat down for his YouTube show Uncomfortable Conversations With a Black Man. “And then we started kind of pushing back on that.”
Over the course of their uncomfortable conversation, both parents learned that instead of being color blind, it’s important to learn the strength and beauty of everyone’s color.
W Kamau Bell
“I went to the Internet and looked up kids’ books about racism. I got a biography about Harriet Tubman for kids, one about Martin Luther King Jr., a picture book that mentions slavery and how black people could be sold ‘like a sack of potatoes,'” W Kamau Bell told the Washington Post of how he started teaching his children about race. “It was a good way to get into it, and then as a parent, I could annotate and footnote, knowing what my kids could handle. A lot of it is making sure the media they take in is having the conversation and represents families like ours. It doesn’t mean that’s all they watch, but they’re definitely in the rotation. I’m famously pro-Doc McStuffins, but there are plenty of shows like that now, not as many as there should be, but more than there used to be.”
Justin Baldoni
“I’m ashamed to say that, even though we thought we were doing a pretty good job by reading the kids stories that were not not all white, we realized we’ve got to go farther,” Justin Baldoni told SheKnows. “So, yeah, one thing we’re doing is talking about skin color and explaining to them how it would feel if somebody was mean to them because of their skin color. Or if somebody took away a toy just because of the color of their skin. … It’s probably not even the right way to do it, but we’re starting to be more aggressive in how we’re talking about it with them. While it might seem early to talk about race, it’s actually late in some ways.”
Kristen Bell & Dax Shepard
“I read a chapter called ‘Why White Parents Don’t Talk to Their Kids About Race’ in a book called NurtureShock, and it was a lesson in ‘don’t ignore things,’” Kristen Bell told Self. “Say, ‘Barack Obama was our first Black president. That’s crazy, right? Because we see people of different colors all the time.’”
Angelina Jolie
Angelina Jolie told Harper’s Bazaar UK that seeing the world through her daughter Zahara’s perspective teaches her how unfair it is.
“A system that protects me but might not protect my daughter — or any other man, woman or child in our country based on skin color — is intolerable,” she said. And asked for advice on teaching children about racism, she said, “Listen to those who are being oppressed. And never assume to know.”
Reese Witherspoon
“Being a white mother trying to explain racism and bigotry to her white son, who did not understand why anyone would treat another human being that way, was heartbreaking,” Reese Witherspoon wrote on Instagram of teaching her 7-year-old about George Floyd’s murder. “But not nearly as heartbreaking as being a victim of one of these senseless, violent, unconscionable crimes. Not nearly as heartbreaking as being one of the families who have experienced loss and harassment and discrimination daily. Not nearly as heartbreaking as being a mother who lives in fear of what will happen to her children in this world. … Please talk to your children about racism, privilege, bigotry and hate. If you aren’t talking to them, someone else is.”
Jennifer Lopez
“Max told me a few days ago: ‘You know mom, since you have a following like some of my YouTuber gamers and they ask us to support things and we do, you should do that for George Floyd,'” Jennifer Lopez shared of her son on Instagram, so she made some signs with the kids for a protest, while speaking to them about what it’s for. “We talked about how if one person doesn’t have justice, then no one does. That this country was built on the belief of freedom and justice for all. We must take a stand for what we believe in and fight against the injustices in this world. So we continue to peacefully protest until there is change.”
Kourtney Kardashian
“The pain and suffering inflicted by racism is not a thing of the past, and I [bear] the responsibility to speak with my kids honestly and often about it, even when the truth is uncomfortable,” Kourtney Kardashian wrote on her site. “I have to make sure they understand what it means to have white privilege and to take the time to learn and discuss Black History, beyond just one short month out of the year. … Allow conversation without judgement, and learn from our children too. We don’t know it all. My children sometimes ask questions that I may not know the answers to, so we explore them together.”
Jessica & David Oyelowo
When speaking on Oprah’s special OWN Spotlight: Where Do We Go From Here, David Oyelowo didn’t offer advice for how to speak to kids but rather expressed despair at not knowing what to say to them after George Floyd’s murder. “I had made the mistake of thinking that things would be different for my son. I say mistake because I had watched things progress in some ways. And then the knee on the neck is so symbolic of so much. It’s something I didn’t realize that I had internalized in a way that makes it difficult for me to function.”
Sharing this with others, however, is a step toward teaching non-Black folks what we need to understand.
Blake Lively & Ryan Reynolds
“We’ve been teaching our kids differently than our parents taught us,” Blake Lively wrote on Instagram of how she and Ryan Reynolds are teaching their daughters. “All of it…especially our own complicity. We talk about our bias, blindness, and our own mistakes. We look back and see so many mistakes which have led us to deeply examine who we are and who we want to become… We’re committed to raising our kids so they never grow up feeding this insane pattern.”
Regina King
“You get to a place especially when, your children are at an age where they are looked at as adults, and the anger that they have — it just compounds every time something like this happens, and another moment that’s telling them that they’re not worthy, they’re not valuable, their lives aren’t valuable once they walk outside the comfort of their homes,” Regina King said on Jimmy Kimmel Live. “Because you have to find a way to support their feelings and make sure that you’re letting them know that you hear them and that you do mirror the same sentiment, but you don’t want them to do anything that’s going to put themselves in a situation that they may not come back home, they may not talk to you again.”
January Jones
“I promise that I will always continue to talk to my child about inequality,” January Jones captioned an Instagram of her son holding an “I Can’t Breathe” sign for a neighborhood protest. “And I promise to do all I can to learn more. We have had many more of these necessary hard conversations over the last few days, about why people are so angry and sad. For a child who didn’t used to see color amongst his friends it’s hard for him to understand, to understand why the past he learns about in school is still very present in our world today.”
Ricky Martin
“Obviously, kids ask questions about what’s happening and you’ve just gotta be transparent,” Ricky Martin told USA Today. “Give them love and answer with honesty — that’s what we’ve been doing since Day 1. … It’s time to talk about injustice and how, because of the color of your skin, you’re treated differently.”
Jessica Alba & Cash Warren
“When I see all of the hateful, racist activity that has been happening, you realize what really matters,” Jessica Alba told People. “Honor and Haven are online more than ever, so they’re exposed to this. And my kids are black and Mexican so there’s a connection to what’s happening. … You have to have these conversations that feel difficult when it comes to equality and social justice. All these conversations can be had and you can start early with them. I did. Because that’s how you’re going to give them the fire to make sure that that isn’t their reality.”
Charlize Theron
“I think all parents, we want to believe we have time,” Charlize Theron told Entertainment Tonight of her desire to put off talking about race to her two Black children. “And the world has kind of shaken me in a way that I realize that I don’t have time. There was a moment where I felt like a little piece of my children’s innocence was taken from them during this period because I had to sit down with them and have really, really hard, honest conversations about some really ugly things in our world today that they need to know. I want them to know because I want to raise two little warriors.”
Fergie
“It starts at home,” Fergie captioned an Instagram video of herself, 6-year-old son Axl, and other children and parents at a mini Black Lives Matter Protest. “Let’s continue pushing forward so that the children of this nation don’t have to live in fear.”
Thomas Rhett & Lauren Akins
“[A]s her mother, I want her to be VERY sure that I am HER mother who stands up not only for her, but for every single person who shares her beautiful brown skin,” Lauren Akins wrote on Instagram of her adopted daughter Willa. “I want to be her mother who raises her to know what it means to have brown skin and to be proud of it. I want to be her mother who doesn’t listen to the shaming of skin colors but instead listens to the Spirit of God who knitted every skin color together in their mother’s womb for His glory. Because the truth is: I AM HER mother who FIGHTS for her. I am her mother who celebrates not only WHO she and her two sisters are, but WHOSE they are and exactly who God created them to be.”
Savannah Guthrie
“It’s an eye-opening experience because when Vale and I were talking and talking about how George Floyd was treated, we use the words fair and unfair because those are words that she understands,” Savannah Guthrie told USA Today of her 5-year-old daughter. “But then you realize that’s a conversation that again I’m privileged to have. A Black mother with a Black child might not be able to say those same things, and that’s the point. And those are some of the realizations that are being had around the country.”
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