Maybe you already know all about the Five Love Languages in the context of romantic love. But are you well-versed in how they apply to your children? Whether you’re a pro or this is the first time you’ve heard those words strung together, we are here to enlighten you. The concept is easy enough to grasp — people have different ways that they receive and give love best. And since holiday gifts are a time-honored expression of love, knowing your child’s love language could help you pick the perfect gift for them this year.
First, a brief recap of what we’re talking about. Dr. Gary Chapman first came up with the Five Love Languages in his 1992 book, but then enlisted the help of Dr. Ross Campbell to apply the exact same categories to children: physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, and acts of service. According to their theory, if you express love in a way that appeals to your child’s love language, they hear it better and feel more loved. This is important not just because we want our children to know we love them, but because when they feel loved, they’re better able to function and behave in other aspects of their lives.
In terms of gifts and toys for kids, when we give an extra cuddly stuffed animal to a child whose love language is physical touch, it will make them feel like you get them. If we give that stuffy to a child whose love language is acts of service, they may leave it on the shelf in a few days and forget all about it. Then again, gifts are often all in how they’re presented, so if you get that same stuffy for your acts-of-service kid and then spend time building a cardboard house for it and playing veterinarian, you may still earn extra service-love points.
Before we go on, you should probably figure out what your child’s love language is. Of course, it’s all in The 5 Love Languages of Children, but here’s a shortcut to figuring it out from Chapman’s website: “Ask him or her to draw or call out some ways parents love their children,” he suggests for children under age 8. “You should try not to guide their drawings or answers, limit their responses, or require more responses than what he or she is prepared to give at the time you ask. Depending on the child’s attention span and the time of day, you may get many answers, or you may get very few. If it seems like slow going, then you may want to secretly explore the subject of love with your child for a week or so until you can deduce what he or she perceives as love.”
For kids ages 9-12, there’s a quiz on the site that can help you narrow it down. Once you have your answer, scroll through these suggestions of the best gifts to suit your child’s love language.
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A version of this story was originally published in November 2020.
Physical Touch: Stuffed Animals
When your kid craves touch, they often love to snuggle up with so many stuffies in their bed you wonder how they’ll fit. This musical, ear-flapping elephant also comes with a book that’s all about good-night kisses that you can act out at bedtime. Age 1 month and up.
Physical Touch: A Soft Blanket
Kids old and young whose love language is touch might really enjoy spending time next to you on the couch, reading or watching a good movie. A blanket like this will keep you cozy.
Words of Affirmation: A Rewarding Game
Your words are the expression of love these kids crave, of course, but sometimes you need to provide context for those words. How about praising their skills at acting out and guessing clues in a game of charades? Ages 3 and up.
Words of Affirmation: Cards of Love
Instead of giving this as one big gift, you can dole out these cards to your praise-loving child from time to time, giving them periodic zings of joy. Each card has a sweet message like, “I think you’re fun to be around,” and “You shine just like a star.”
Quality Time: A Good Puzzle
A 1,000-piece puzzle may be a little much for your kid, but that’s kind of the point here. You’re getting something that you’ll enjoy solving with them just as much as they will, because what your child really wants is you by their side.
Quality Time: A STEM Challenge
Consider this a step up from the model cars and planes of our childhood: It’s a kit that encourages children — and most important here, the adults at their side — to learn science and engineering concepts while building five different battery-powered vehicles. Ages 8 and up.
Gifts: Funko Collectibles
Though it seems like you could basically get any gifts for the child whose love language is gifts, we suggest asking your child very specifically what they hope to receive, since this is important to them. You can also go for a “more is more” approach and get a bunch of smaller presents, like these Funko Pop! collectibles, instead of one big one. Ages 6 and up.
Gifts: Unboxing Surprises
We don’t know whether toymakers understand the love languages, but it sure seems like they invented “unboxing” toys with “Gift” kids in mind. This particular L.O.L. Surprise! line is wrapped like a sweet present, containing eight individually wrapped gifts for your child to discover. Ages 4 and up.
Acts of Service: The Doc Is In
Children who receive love best through acts of service also enjoy giving love this way. Doc McStuffins embodies that principle better than any other fictional girl we know, and we bet your eager-to-serve child will agree as they put this mobile pet rescue kit to use. Ages 3 and up.
Acts of Service: A Complex Make-Believe Setup
A big Playmobil kit like this one allows for both parent and child to contribute acts of service. First, it’s up to the parent to build the school and unwrap all those finely detailed accessories that fill it. If your child speaks this love language, they will appreciate your efforts. Then they can role-play the selfless acts of teachers instructing their students in these colorful classrooms. Ages 5-10.
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