The [all-too-accurate] cliché when planning a wedding is that it becomes about everyone except the bride and groom. We believe that unless they are insisting on nudity or seriously snubbing their generous dressmaker, the bride and groom should get first dibs on calling the shots. Not the parents of the couple. Not the siblings. Not the members of the wedding party. It is not their day (as much as they might think it is), so they do not get to take over.
One Reddit user won't let his sister have her wedding dress until she gives an invitation to the designer –– his son. https://t.co/Imd7qRQvFf
— SheKnows (@SheKnows) February 28, 2023
Sure, we’ve seen the line get blurred depending on who is footing the bill for the big day, but nine times out of 10, the bride and groom should get to make the decisions. They should get to choose the menu and the DJ and the color of the bridesmaid dresses. And if the parents of the bride and groom can’t get behind that, they might as well close their checkbooks. Engagements and weddings should be filled with love and excitement for the future, not bitterness about little details like centerpieces. So we couldn’t believe it when one mother of the groom posted in the Reddit “Am I The A—hole” thread to explain how she had taken over something as major as the guest list.
Underlying Tension
Before we get into it, we should mention that the soon-to-be mother-in-law doesn’t seem to be the biggest fan of the bride. According to her post, the wedding is taking place in Mexico, where future daughter-in-law Jessica’s family is from.
“I’ve seen [Jessica] has made nearly every important decision of the wedding without or rarely including my son in any part of the planning,” this mom wrote, with no indication of how the groom felt about it. “She chose the reception, and the menu, among others.”
“One of those decisions was related to the invitations,” she continued. “Which were delivered last week through email. To be honest, they were acceptable, but I knew right away it was her idea of the odd way of delivery.”
Oof. “Acceptable” is basically the mom version of a sneer and an eye roll. Mom definitely had a problem with these invitations and their “odd way of delivery.” Sure, the virtual invitations might seem weird to the older crowd, but we respect this cheaper, more sustainable choice.
All this to say, it seems this judgmental mother of the groom has issues with her future daughter-in-law as it is.
Invitation Fiasco
The evite for this mom, her husband, and her daughter was “oddly delivered” to the daughter. The mom prefaced the post by saying she has a big family:26 people, when you tally up her four siblings, their partners, and their kids.
“We always tend to be together on every special occasion, it’s like a tradition,” she said in a pretty relatable statement. “We all need to be together.”
After receiving her invitation, OP wondered if they were delivered to the whole family since most of her brothers and sisters don’t have email. Really?! As one Redditor said, “There’s no way this is real. You’re 47, not 97!” She called her siblings, and when she found out they didn’t get the invitation, she forwarded it to her nieces and nephews.
“They were all so thrilled,” she said. “[It has been] a long time since we had a reunion this big. The next day, I talked with some of my nephews and they were worried about the plane tickets, the hotel, and if there will be a special zone [and menu] for the kids.”
“I assured them all these things have been arranged and they shouldn’t be worried. I knew my son would never forget about his family.”
Eek! You know where this is going, right?
WTAF?
A couple of days later, OP got an “enraged” phone call from her son. He had heard from his cousins who were asking about the accommodations for the wedding. The groom told his mom that the invite was only for her, her husband, and her daughter — not for the whole family.
“I was shocked by this,” OP wrote. “We had a terrible argument. And he threatened [to uninvite me] if I don’t call our family to cancel theirs. I was furious about this. So I told him I wouldn’t betray our family like that and if [he doesn’t want them there, then I shouldn’t be there either].
“My daughter thinks I did nothing wrong, we are family and stick together,” she continued. “But my husband disagrees. It’s my son’s wedding, I can’t choose who goes there or not.”
And so she turned to Reddit “to find a middle ground about this situation.”
Guilty As Charged
Wowza. You really f*cked up this one, “MIL-zilla.” And you’re not going to find a middle ground. Redditors agreed that OP is most certainly the a-hole for taking it upon herself to invite more than two dozen people to a wedding.
If she had talked to her son before checking with her siblings, all this anger and awkwardness could have all been avoided. It’s a little surprising the guest list wasn’t discussed a while ago, but not as surprising as this woman taking things into her own hands.
“It’s your son’s and his future wife’s wedding,” one person wrote. “Not yours. You overstepped, but you’re too inside your own echo chamber of ‘but family is everything.'”
OP needs to remember that her son is also family, and soon enough her DIL will be too. She needs to get over this idea that the bride is controlling everything and/or that the couple meant any kind of ill will by not inviting the extended family. They (like many couples!) may just want a smaller wedding. And does she understand how much it costs to have an additional 26 people there?!
“You invited massive numbers of people, including children, and made assurances of all kinds of accommodations for kids that don’t exist,” one commenter said. “Apologize to your family for inviting them, apologize to your son.”
“If you want to have a family reunion you should host one,” another wrote. “Don’t invite people to other people’s weddings.”
“Shame, shame, shame on you!” said yet another. “We’ve all heard why you shouldn’t “ass-u-me” and you really took the cake!”
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