A lot of adults support their parents or other family members financially. They may have a steadier income than their aging parents, or it may be a way to show their appreciation for all the support (financial and otherwise) they were given growing up. Whatever the circumstances, the assumption is that it is done in good faith.
But you know what they say about assumptions.
One woman joined the Reddit “Am I The A-hole” subreddit to talk about her mother-in-law. In the three years she has been with her now-husband Matteo, the MIL would call her son and ask for money large sums of moolah. This usually ranged from $2K to $6K, and Matteo said he was fine with this because he had a “high-paying job and disposable income.”
Which is very nice of him if his mom needs the money, but it just didn’t sit right with the original poster (OP).
“My father-in-law is a successful businessman in his city and I was told that they had joint accounts so I always found it a bit odd that [my MIL] asked her son for money,” she wrote on Reddit.
When they got engaged, OP and Matteo talked about his mom’s monetary requests and he agreed to put an end to it. The calls eventually stopped after he put his foot down. Briefly.
MIL’s Major Ask
Remember when we said the requests stopped? Well this MIL ended up coming back full force and asked her son for $15,000. Yup!
“She said she needed it for vacation,” OP wrote, and we are giving some Princess Charlotte-level side eye to that because is it really his job to pay for her vacation? Is that what she should be using his money on?
“After he told her no, she sent me a lengthy text message saying that I had no right to get involved in a mother’s relationship with her son,” OP wrote. “I didn’t respond. I asked my husband if his parents were having money troubles and he said that everything is fine as far as he knows.”
The Truth Comes Out
Recently OP’s father-in-law came over for lunch. When they went to choose a bottle of wine, she asked him if everything was OK at home. With a confused look on his face, he asked what she was talking about.
“That’s when my husband told him about her calling us for money,” OP wrote.
The FIL then said that his wife withdrew cash from the bank last year and said it was to help pay for the couple’s wedding. “But she lied,” OP wrote. “She never gave us a dime.”
Next Steps
Hours later, this MIL called and told OP that her “big mouth” ruined her life. After writing a check to reimburse his son and daughter-in-law, this FIL decided to separate from his wife “until he feels he can trust her again.”
“My husband’s maternal relatives are calling us and saying that I’m a giant AH,” OP said. “AITA for bringing it up to my FIL that my MIL is secretly harassing us for money?”
Important Info
Before we get to Reddit’s verdict, we have to share an edit OP added to her post. “We were told tonight that she was using the money to buy lavish gifts for her friends and pay their rent.”
Reddit’s Unanimous Decision
Reddit said OP and her husband need to let this “lying and leeching” MIL know that the ATM is closed. Anyone calling OP an AH was clearly benefitting from this “monster-in-law’s” scheme, and it’s not OP’s fault that she “f*cked around and found out.” MIL ruined her own life, Redditors insist.
As for how she used the funds, people aren’t buying the “spending it on her friends” crap.
“This smells like an affair from miles away,” one person said. “That or gambling problems. Whatever it is, it’s clearly not good for the marriage.”
“You asked out of concern, and you brought what sounds like tens of thousands of dollars in spending to his attention that she had been hiding, for whatever reasons,” another said. “If she needed the money for a good reason, she wouldn’t have been lying about it.”
And if it’s true …i s that better or worse? “Maybe her friends will let her live in the homes she funded.”
“MIL is using her husband and son to liquidate funds to give a lavish lifestyle to her buddies?” a Redditor asked. “You busted a gold-digging scammer out of concern and love for your husband and his father. Oh no, you’re the catalyst for someone to stop doing something they shouldn’t.”
“You’re not a bank, neither is your husband, MIL has abused the trust of her son and husband. Seems like she wants to have power over her son and uses the money method to know that.”
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