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Family gatherings and potty training are two things that can be a total pain in the a** (quite literally for that second one). For one woman on Reddit, a recent barbecue at her sister’s house turned total sh*t show (had to), and so she joined the “Am I The A—hole” subreddit to find out who is at fault even though she knew it might not work out in her favor.
“So I know from experience that Reddit isn’t the most understanding towards parents of young kids but I really just want a third-party opinion because this situation is driving me crazy and my family are saying I need to get over it,” she wrote.
And yeah, that is how it goes down a lot of the time. This woman — the original poster (OP) — said she lives with her partner and their two kids. They have a 7-year-old and a 3-year-old who is in the throws of potty training. Her older sister “Ava” and her husband recently moved into the neighborhood.
“[They bought a house nearby] and it’s a super nice place with a big yard and — as you can probably guess from the title [of my post, “AITA for causing family drama over a swimming pool?”] — a swimming pool,” she wrote.
And yes, as you can also probably guess, things quickly went south for the sisters.
Scene Of The “Crime”
Ava hosted a barbecue at her new crib and invited OP’s family, their parents, and their other siblings. It sounds like Ava and/or the other siblings have little ones as well because Ava mentioned “letting the kids play in the pool.”
“So I only assumed my kids would get to be included,” OP wrote. Fair enough.
Time To Change
OP was getting her 3-year-old ready for the pool and changing him into a swim diaper when things got messy. Ava told her she doesn’t think it’s “hygienic” for her nephew to go swimming “since swim diapers don’t hold pee.”
“She asked that he doesn’t swim in the pool with the other kids playing in it,” OP wrote. “I didn’t think this was fair and told Ava that lots of people, adults and kids, pee in the pool and it would be no different at a public pool so what’s the problem?”
OP said Ava then became “really condescending,” saying her nephew could play in the pool once he’s potty trained.
Swim Diapers
Ok, so what’s the deal with swim diapers? Well, Ava is right. They aren’t designed to absorb pee in the same way a regular diaper does. They’re there to catch solid waste (anything less-than-solid is iffy), and they expand when they get wet rather than become a soggy, disintegrating mess like a regular diaper would in a pool. So sure, their number 1 purpose isn’t to soak up number 1, but it’s there to protect the pool from number 2.
There are a lot of options when it comes to buying swim diapers. There are tons of disposable swim diapers on the market, and reusable alternatives — like the Esembly Recycled Diaper Cover + Swim Diaper (seen above), the Bambino Mio, and other snapping diapers — are becoming more and more popular.
Not Standing For This Crap
OP’s son got understandably upset. She told her sister that she was “being cold” but that it’s ultimately her house, her rules.
“Ava accused me of trying to guilt trip her and told me to just drop it,” OP wrote. “I was getting upset myself at this point and I told our parents and other siblings about what Ava did.”
The family sided with Ava, telling OP that it’s not worth fighting over. OP then left the barbecue because she “didn’t feel welcome after that.”
“The next day Ava messaged me whole paragraphs and said that she’s ‘sorry’ that I’m upset and that she wasn’t trying to exclude my son for the sake of it,” OP said. “It was a super non-apology and I told her I don’t want to hear it and that she’s damaged her relationship with her nephew and she’s not the one who had to deal with him being upset.”
Ava then “snapped” and called her sister “dramatic.” “I told her to grow up and said that I have a very valid reason to be mad, and she needs to stop acting like a teenager.”
Both the family and Reddit are now divided over who is the a-hole.
Team Ava
The people who are Team Ava are really Team Ava.
“Not sure why peeing in the pool is considered OK by a lot of people but it’s f*cking disgusting and your sister has a right to say no.”
“All the people that say, ‘But there are chemicals to clean it, piss in a cup, then ask how much chemicals need to be added to the cup before they would dump that glass of piss on their head.’ It’s just f*cking gross.”
“She wanted to keep her pool clean of your little piss machine. Frankly, after you made your thoughts on it known, I wouldn’t have let your other kid in the pool either. My pool isn’t for pissers.”
Team OP
While Team Ava is louder, Team OP is still out there kicking. Because yes, there are chemicals (and yes, I would pour a cup of pee that has been diluted with an entire pool with chlorine over my head). And Ava’s kids are probably tinkling a little too.
“Ava could have told her this BEFORE the kid was already getting changed and avoided two adults and a child having a meltdown over it.”
“I am flabbergasted by these comments. Imagine inviting a 3-year-old to a pool party and telling him he can’t swim, he can watch the other kids. Wtf? If I knew one of my children wouldn’t be allowed to swim, I never would have brought them to a pool party. She should have told you that in advance and let you choose to go or not, not bring it up after the kid has his swimsuit on and is ready to swim. Very much NTA and anyone who votes differently clearly does not have children.”
“My potty-trained toddler still has accidents and I’d be so upset if I was abruptly told he couldn’t do something just because he wasn’t 100% dry.”
“Wow, these comments really do prove that Reddit does not sympathize with young children or parents of young children. Swim diapers exist for a reason. If you use a reusable swim diaper AND a single-use one you’re good. They also have a filtration system in their pool and I’m sure there is chlorine. IMO they are overreacting and should allow a 3YO to swim. Kind of a dick move on their part to let everyone swim in front of a 3YO and not let them.”
“Do these people even go in lakes and oceans where bugs and snakes and fish and all kinds of other sh*t f*ck each other, piss/sh*t everywhere, and f*cking die and rot away? I’ve never seen anyone so bent out of shape over a swim diaper. THEY F*CKIN SELL SWIM DIAPERS. kids that aren’t fully potty trained get in pools all the f*cken time. Guess what? We still live.”
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