After years of bullying, a man on Reddit is asking his parents to make what typically sounds like an impossible choice. But in this situation, Reddit says that not only is the answer straightforward, but that the choice has actually already been made.
The original poster (OP) is a 21-year-old man who joined the Reddit “Am I The A—hole” subreddit to find out if it was wrong of him to ask his parents to choose between him and his 24-year-old brother, Tim. And unfortunately, this request has been a long time coming.
“Ever since [we were young], he’s always bullied me for not being as smart as him, and sneering at my passion for sports,” OP wrote. “Our parents tried to stop him, but [living in an] Asian household meant they valued brains over brawn so he was always favored growing up.”
That hasn’t been the case recently since OP has a stable job and is “able to show his worth.” He loves his parents, but not his big brother, and honestly, we don’t blame him. It’s hard to love someone who has always looked down on you.
“The insults and jabs over 10 years are a sticking point,” OP said. Like it or not, a decade of microaggressions was bound to come to a head — and it came to a downright vicious one this weekend.
Coming Out
At the end of last year, OP came out to his friends and family. It took time for his parents to accept it, and his dad started going to “Asian support groups” to learn more about what it means for OP to be gay.
“Tim, however, went off the rockers, screaming at how I was a disgrace and a shame, I must have ruined our genes, mocking whether I even had a ‘real penis,'” OP wrote. He said WHAT?!
“Mum says that he just needs more time to process, but he’s shown none of that, getting worse and joining this religious group at his university.”
Prized Possessions
When OP came home this weekend, he found that his room was completely empty. Everything was gone. Clothes. Posters. Gym and sport equipment. Books. The only thing left was his laptop.
“Everything gone,” he said.
He asked his parents what happened, but they said they were out and that Tim was the only one home with his “project group.”
“[Tim] said that he was curing my ‘perverted ways’ and that he and his religious group are going to ‘change me for the better,'” OP said. “I won’t repeat all he said, but he made a list of everything he threw out and why each made me a pervert. Among the items he threw out was a signed item worth $1200.”
How do we even begin to point out everything that is wrong with this infuriating situation?! If we get started, we won’t ever be able to stop.
The Beginning Of The End
OP — who was “finally fed up” — told his parents that either Tim stays or he stays, but that he is done living with someone who has hated him since childhood.
“I recounted his bullying, insulting, stealing, and ruining my stuff (this wasn’t the first time), I made it clear that while I love them, if they still supported Tim ruining my life, I was cutting off contact,” OP said.
New Arrangements
OP then grabbed his laptop and bag (because again, he had nothing else), and went to stay with a friend. In his post, OP said he has “cooled down” and told his mom we won’t cut off contact.
“But while Tim is still living at home, I won’t ever be visiting,” OP wrote. “She has begged me to reconsider, [and said] that we can still fix the relationship, and that she and Dad are getting my stuff back, but I’m adamant that I can’t co-exist with Tim.”
Good for you, OP, for sticking to your guns and getting yourself away from a toxic (and that’s putting it as lightly as possible!) situation.
No Longer Dependent
OP is not just staying with a friend as some sort of extended sleepover until things settle back down. He said he has money saved up and can afford to live elsewhere.
“My friends support my decision to move out, but my relatives have been saying that I’m going overboard, that I shouldn’t punish my parents for what Tim did, that I should still show ‘filial piety,'” OP wrote, making us feel the need to once again acknowledge how manipulative the “blood is thicker than water” mantra is.
And so OP handed it over to Reddit to find out if he is an a-hole who should show “filial piety.”
Isn’t It Obvious?
Of course OP is not the AH! Redditors said that Tim is outrageously homophobic and his parents must be too, because they already decided which son to stand by.
“Your parents already made a choice and made it clear they don’t have a real problem with your brother’s homophobia or bullying.”
“You are right to force your parents to make a choice here, they have one son who is simply being who he is, and the other who is a raging homophobe who is attacking, stealing, and harassing. There’s no question.”
“Your brother not accepting your lifestyle is one thing. Your brother going out of his way to get rid of your stuff while nobody is home is a completely different thing. That’s beyond out of control and your parents shouldn’t forgive Tim for this either.”
What To Do Now
Reddit agrees that the next step for OP — if he feels safe doing so — is to report Tim’s theft to the police.
“Take that list of items that he admitted to stealing and report him to the police.”
“And if the relatives want to side with the bully in this situation, they are more than free to foot the bill for his bail and/or legal needs. The lack of consequences has enabled Tim’s bullying, it’s high time to change that.”
“Depending on his location, he should also make sure the police know the motivation for the theft. In a lot of places, the fact that they did it because he’s homosexual makes it a hate crime.”
And yes, it probably is time for OP to move out and live somewhere that he can be safe and happy and thrive. As one Redditor touchingly pointed out, OP isn’t making his parents choose between their sons.
“As far as I can see, you are choosing yourself, and that’s a beautiful thing.”
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