One incredibly “efficient” man posted on the “Am I The A—hole” subreddit on Sunday in a post that should not have taken more than 10 minutes to write. Since the average person can write 40 words per minute, and he wrote 400 words, the only acceptable time would be 10 minutes, right? Any longer and he must be doing something irresponsible with his time. He shouldn’t be taking breaks to think about what to say next. Just do and dash. Capiche?
It’s all about timing and efficiency with this man. And so while some Reddit posts are a slow burn, the quick-to-the-point title of his post instantly made our skin crawl: “AITA for doing the shopping faster than my wife?”
Annoyed already? We know we were. This 44-year-old man who was the original poster (“OP”) on Reddit has two children with his 34-year-old wife: an 18-month-old daughter and a 3-month-old son. OP works from home four days per week and his wife is a stay-at-home mom (SAHM).
“My work-from-home career only started when the pandemic began so before we got married and when we were dating and cohabiting I never did much major grocery shopping (apart from picking small stuff up on the way home) as my wife worked fewer hours than me and did it instead.”
Picking small stuff up on the way home! A saint! Well now that OP is at home, he’s becoming more aware of all the grocery shopping a family of four requires. And being the saint that he is, he’s ready to lend a hand (read: unsolicited condescending input)!
What Happened?
When OP started working his tech job (he had to drop that in) from home, he noticed his wife would take “a very long time” to do the weekly shop.
“I’m talking a good hour and a half just to buy like the weekly groceries,” he wrote. “The store is only 5 minutes away and she usually goes just before lunch so it’s not too busy. I think that she is running into friends from her mom’s groups and chatting and losing track of time.”
Not chatting! The horror!
“She denies this of course but every time she goes out shopping and comes back she always has some new gossip about what is happening in the neighborhood,” he continued.
Hold For Clarification!
Mid-post, OP felt the need to double back. “To be clear, I’m not upset or angry if she takes this long to go do the shopping,” OP said very convincingly (not!). “It’s good for her if she can meet friends while shopping.”
“But she keeps telling me that she takes this long because she is checking which stuff is on sale, which stuff can be skipped for now, which stuff can store, etc.”
Good deflection, OP! Blame it on whatever lie you think she’s telling by lying yourself. You’re not upset or angry if it takes this long? If that was the case, this post wouldn’t exist. You think it’s good if she can make friends? How patronizing. You’re taking issue with the fact that she’s grocery shopping responsibly? Yeah, we don’t buy that.
What Happened Next?
On the day OP’s wife normally goes grocery shopping, he told her he would handle it instead, and to no one’s great surprise, smugly reported that “I went and did the shop and came back in half the time she normally takes.”
We can see him high-fiving himself now.
“When she was helping me unpack the groceries she wasn’t too happy with what I bought,” he wrote, and … shocker (insert eye roll here). “I told her that I did it in half the time she usually does and that I still can’t see why she takes so long to do it.”
Can you see him getting antsy? Waiting for his gold star?
“She then started telling me I did a poor job and didn’t buy what she wanted and that I was trying to undermine her. I said that I did the shopping not for her but for the family. She said that I was an AH.”
What Does Reddit Think?
Reddit is so wildly unimpressed with this man, pointing out all the ways he didn’t actually “win” this competition he had in his head.
“It doesn’t count because you didn’t follow her list and obviously were just trying to ‘prove’ a point so you cut corners and speed-shopped.”
“I seriously don’t understand what he’s trying to prove. ‘I did the shopping in half the time but worse and got all the wrong things!’ Like, ‘Good job? You want a medal for screwing up faster?'”
“A classic example of the difference between buying some groceries and the mental labor involved with meal planning, budgeting, meeting the entire household’s needs, anticipating changes in schedule, and accommodating likes/dislikes.”
“You claim you’re not upset about it but your actions contradict that. Your nitpicking comes off as not appreciating or understanding that being a SAHM is as much a job as your tech job.”
“What’s wrong with you? Seriously. Your wife manages the household and I assume takes on the entire mental load. She runs the kitchen and she buys what she does for a reason. Do you think she’s stupid?”
“Why does it even matter that it takes her 1.5 hours? Why does it matter if she runs into someone and talks for a minute? This is so odd why are you micromanaging her time like this? I take forever because I go down every aisle I like to get ideas and check out sales. I’ll bring out my phone and check prices at different stores. Putting time and effort into picking out the food you feed your loved ones is not something to be judged for.”
“Obviously you didn’t get what was needed for the week. The success of a grocery shop is not how quickly you do it, it’s what you buy and what meals you can make with all the ingredients and what’s on sale to save money.”
“Or maybe she’s polite with her cart and you bump into old ladies ankles without even realizing it while you speed through the store. Maybe she’s a safer driver on the way to and from the store. There are many valid reasons she might take longer than you. There is no reason for you to devalue her over it.”
“I’m a SAHD, and shopping for a family of 4 can easily take an hour and a half. Since I’m the one who does 99% of the cooking, I’m the one who knows what we have in the kitchen, what staples we’re running low on, and what I’m planning to cook in the next week. But here’s the big thing: You disrespected her role. You basically told her that you could do her job better than her. That’s insulting.”
What Now?
So what should this SAHM do with her hotshot husband? Reddit knows the perfect place to start: “If I were her I would send him to the store every day for whatever item is missing for that night’s dinner. See how much time he saves.”
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