When a couple gets divorced, most people only hear one side of the story. That’s especially true for in-laws. Because at that point they’re not there to play peacemaker. They’re there to support their child. And few couples sit their parents down to give them the full picture.
Well, things recently got messy for a man on the “Am I The A—hole” subreddit who wrote a post titled, “AITA for enlightening my ex-MIL on my reasons to divorce her daughter?”
Yikes! The man explained that around a year ago, he divorced “G” who was his “significant other of 18 years.” About a month ago, the man who originally posted (the “OP”) ran into his former mother-in-law. He claimed he “always had good contact” with her.
“She stopped and we had a nice enough chat until she goes, ‘I’m happy you’re doing well, but why did you hurt G like that?’ At first, I thought she meant the divorce as such, but after a short talk I learned that G had been spouting a, let’s say somewhat colored, version of how things happened,” he wrote.
And so OP got candid with his ex-MIL, sharing his side of why the marriage ended and what happened during the divorce.
How We Got Here
“Among other things,” G told her mom that OP left their marriage “without warning.”
“I not only told my ex I felt the relationship was at breaking point probably 100 times in the last year, I was also clear from the moment I made my decision,” he wrote. “I also suggested seeing a marriage counselor, which she flat-out refused.
The Agreement
G then told her mom that he “played” her when she bought their home.
“I gave her a good price (€20K where I could’ve easily forced €50K),” OP said, “and I agreed on her paying in [installments] so she didn’t need to get a loan. She did, but that wasn’t necessary.”
The Tipping Point
OP’s anger was clearly rising, but what tipped him over the edge was finding out that G said he “traumatized” their child.
“Which I’ve been vigilant about,” he said, and we presume he means he’s been vigilant in his attempts to not traumatize their 16-year-old. He then said his son is “clear about [OP] standing up as a father.”
Un[Leash]ing His Side
And with that, OP let it all out, giving his ex-MIL a laundry list of why he divorced her daughter.
“The ‘I have to always be right’-attitude, the theft of my dog (long story short, she had my name taken off the adoption papers so I couldn’t take him with me), the yelling and screaming every evening…,” he trailed off.
The Ex’s Response
Unsurprisingly, his former MIL “left without saying much.” A few hours later, he got a voice message from his ex which was “mostly screaming and the voices of my ex-MIL and son trying to calm her in the background.”
“I feel I’m the a—hole here because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut and she might take this out on my son. And my ex-MIL didn’t deserve such harsh words on her own daughter,” OP finished his post.
A United Front
Even if they have different reasons, Redditors are all headed in the same direction. They all say OP is not the a—hole (NTA). A lot feel that way because, after all, the MIL got this ball rolling.
“NTA. You were asked. It’s not like you approached your ex-MIL and spewed off. She wanted to hear your story. Seems like she didn’t fully believe G’s BS either.”
“This is a good point. She ASKED, there was no reason not to give her honest answers especially when you found out that ex was spreading lies and misinformation about you.”
“You were asked, and you answered honestly. You said it in a private conversation and didn’t post it to the world. Consider it ‘correcting the record.'”
Others have sided with OP because of G’s “lies.” (Let’s just take a moment to remember that OP’s story could be just as flawed as hers supposedly is!)
“NTA. When someone goes out of their way to manipulate the story to others, they shouldn’t be shocked when someone reveals the truth. She’s mad she got called out on her mess. Honestly, though, you’ve got a situation you need to get ahead of. She’s going to go after you even harder now. Get the story out before she can twist it further.”
“The only thing you did was take a knife to your ex’s carefully constructed web of lies. If your ex had been honest with MIL in the first place, none of this would have happened. You are in no way at fault here. She took your dog? G is evil, evil, evil.”
“Congratulations on getting rid of crazy,” one person said, to which OP responded in a nice display of solidarity, “She wasn’t crazy to start with and I’m far from a saint, my friend.”
All we can hope is that if they can’t be saints (How many of us can say we are?!), they can find a way to be co-parents without involving in-laws, yelling in audio messages, and jumping on Reddit
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