Co-parenting is a topic we deal with daily. There’s your classic “good, bad, and ugly.” And now we’ve come across the downright petty. A recent post on the “Am I The A—hole” subreddit is so infuriating and passive-aggressive that it has us rolling our eyes and yelling, “Seriously, ladies?! Seriously?” Because is a cake really enough to risk a co-parenting relationship?
A mom on Reddit came to the subreddit to ask, “AITA for Baking for my Children?” She explained that she and her ex-husband were married for 12 years and had two kids (ages 8 and 9) together.
“[We] got a divorce because surprise! (not to me) I actually was a lesbian all along,” she wrote on her post, which got more than 1,000 comments.
Her ex got remarried two years ago, and the custody agreement recently changed. For the past six months, the 8- and 9-year-olds have been staying with their dad every other weekend. The new wife has three t(w)eens from a previous marriage, but their custody arrangement isn’t “super consistent.”
“So I never know when they’ll be with their mom.”
OK, so the woman who originally posted (the “OP”) and her ex-husband have their kids on alternating weekends. And it’s up in the air which weekends all five kids will be in the ex-husband’s house. Well, whenever they are there, things get crummy. Or, apparently, not crummy enough.
And So It Begins
OP considers herself “a big time hobby baker.” Get this: she even made her ex’s wedding cake when he got remarried!
“It brings me so much joy to cook and bake for the people I love. My kids affectionately call my creations ‘mommy bakes.'”
Ever since her kids started spending every other weekend with their dad, she started sending them off with “mommy bakes” for the weekend. She recently noticed that the treats are sent home unopened.
“I asked my kids about it, and the first couple times they said they just weren’t hungry or that their stepmom had made them something instead.”
The Problem
This past weekend, her kids (once again) came home with their “goodies” untouched. This time, there was a note from their stepmom.
“Bring enough to share,” it said.
“I texted her about it,” OP continued, “and she sent me a lengthy text about how her kids don’t think it’s very fair that my kids get ‘special treatment’ and that going forward she’ll start throwing the treats away instead of ‘politely’ sending them home untouched.”
OP is “not quite sure what to say,” so she hasn’t responded yet. She “never thought” packing treats for her kids “would cause a problem,” but now she’s in a position to ask if she’s the a-hole here.
The Verdict
Redditors have found themselves on opposite sides of the table. Those who say OP is the a—hole don’t understand why she won’t send enough for everyone and why she’s inserting herself into her ex-husband’s weekend.
Side note: Speaking of the ex-husband, where does he stand? Why is he not the one handling this?
One way or the other, people want to know if brownies are really worth getting heated over.
“It sounds like you have good intentions, but sending food with your kids when they go to the other parent’s house can come off as passive-aggressive or judgmental, as though you don’t believe the other parent is providing for them. If you do want to send a treat … the polite thing to do is to send enough for everyone. Or just don’t. The kids can live without home-baked treats.”
“Strange giving them cake when they visit their father … to remind them what a great mum/baker she is?…I don’t think not knowing if the other kids will be there is a great excuse, either, after all, that’s easily discoverable.”
“She says she loves baking, so creating something for 5 kids instead of two should not be a chore but bring her joy.”
“Just creates unnecessary friction to not send enough for everyone …You don’t need to start drama between all the kids when they’re at their dad’s. It’s not fair to anyone.”
“If I send stuff with my kid to his dad’s house, I send enough to share. Because I’ve got nothing against his stepsiblings. And it’s a dick move for one kid to be eating fancy custom baking in front of the other kids.”
As far as we could tell, no one brought this up, but can we just take a minute to remember the new wife’s kids are 12+? It still isn’t fair, but are they really feeling that upset? Or is this new wife projecting?
Moving on: People who are team OP think it’s not a big deal, and that this new wife needs to not be so passive-aggressive.
“You are under no obligation to provide baked goods for her kids, especially since they didn’t talk to you about it like grown-ups. However, in the name of family peace, it might be wise to start sending them with a large enough dessert to share … It sounds like the situation is awkward and uncomfortable for your kids.”
“You aren’t showing off, you are providing your children with food that they like. It’s unacceptable that she would throw your children’s food away. Sorry she is being so passive-aggressive about it. Talk to the ex and see what he says.”
“I’m sure if the wife’s ex started giving her kids gifts while your kids were present, she wouldn’t demand fair treatment for them.”
One way or the other, we hope these moms can put down their boxing gloves — we mean oven mitts! — and work this out for the sake of their families.
Leave a Comment