Family-related drama on Reddit almost always revolves around childcare, baby names, wedding plans, in-laws or finances. They’re basically the Top Five, if you will, and they tend to stay in their lane. But a new post on the “Am I The A—hole?” subreddit is a definitive crossover between childcare, finances, and in-laws. And it’s also a definitive “yikes!”
Because how could a situation with three of the top five themes not be?
In the title of this post, a woman asked, “AITA for demanding my sister-in-law pay my babysitter?” And, already, we’re starting to have alarms go off. (Although let’s be honest, alarm bells start to go off as soon as we join the subreddit.) The woman who originally posted (the “OP”) explained that she joined the group because this request for payment has been causing “a bit of an issue” in her family and very few people are on her side. Not even “Eve,” her “generous and kindhearted” childcare provider — “who is the very person [OP is] defending” — is backing OP.
“To be fair,” OP said. “She just doesn’t want to be the cause of the fight.”
Because, yeah, who wants to be in the middle of someone else’s family drama? Unfortunately for Eve, the family tossed her in the ring without her consent 18 months ago.
What Happened
OP recently found out that for the last year and a half her SIL has been leaving her two kids with Eve for a few hours each week. She’ll then go grocery shopping, take a nap, go work out at the gym, or go to the salon and get her hair or nails done.
Looking For A Solution
OP spoke to her SIL and asked her to stop leaving her kids with Eve. “[I told her] she needed to look into daycare or get her own nanny as Eve will no longer be doing free childcare for her,” OP said. “I even gave her the details of a nanny/babysitter service that could match her with someone.”
Another Option
OP’s in-laws “have been on her a**” since then, telling her to “share” Eve. OP then asked if they’d split Eve’s $80K salary with her.
“Suddenly it’s, ‘SIL could never afford that,'” OP said. “I of course knew she couldn’t pay even half her wages. So I asked her to then at least pay her $25 an hour every time she dumps her kids on her.”
But the in-laws wouldn’t budge.
OP’s Stance
OP told her SIL that if she can’t afford to pay Eve, then she needs to keep her kids with her.
“Apparently that was rude and I’m using my money to bully them,” OP wrote. “I don’t think I’m the a-hole … I think they are for thinking it’s normal to have free childcare.”
What About Eve?
A coworker pointed out to OP that Eve has been put in an “awkward situation” since the SIL always texted her and got her approval before dropping the kids off.
“I know Eve [and] I know she’s just too shy to say no or she’s possibly worried that this could maybe affect her job (not that it would and I have reassured Eve that her job is in no way in jeopardy),” OP said.
“I’ve also tried to put myself in Eve’s shoes and from my understanding, Eve’s unfortunately afraid of rocking the boat as she is in a vulnerable position,” OP continued in an edit of the post. “She has limited English and she’s in the process of getting her citizenship which obviously makes her vulnerable to exploitation.”
OP fully understands why Eve would have gone along with it and “puts all the blame” on her SIL, herself, and her husband. Yeah, let’s not forget about him.
What’s Up With Him?
So what about OP’s hubby? He knew all along (yup!) and he’s also “pissing [OP] off” because he thinks she’s the a-hole for getting involved and asking his sister to pay.
“As someone has pointed out,” OP said in an edit of her post, “I have a husband problem, not an in-law problem. As it is his fault for not stepping in when his sister was taking advantage and that his inaction and my own allowed this to go on.”
OP said her husband was Eve’s main contact. Now, OP will be taking over since her husband has clearly been withholding information and ultimately treating Eve unfairly for 18 months. “I am the ‘breadwinner’ and work crazy long hours and so relied on my husband to fill me in on the day-to-day information and so I will have to find a way to be home more often and deal with things myself.”
“I absolutely hold my hand up and say I should’ve been more protective of her and empowered her, and unfortunately, I failed at that,” OP said.
Reddit’s Reaction
More than 3 thousand people agreed with the top comment that said, “[Not The A-hole] NTA NTA NTA.”
“Eve works for you! Not your sister-in-law. Ask Eve to block her number and never allow her to drop her children off again. Your sister-in-law [is the a-hole] and needs to find her own sitter, even if she starts paying Eve because of how she f*cked her over multiple times.”
So many other Redditors were on the same train:
“If your SIL thought she was doing the right thing, she wouldn’t have hidden it from you for a year and a half. It’s not your job to pay for childcare for your niece(s)/nephew(s). You are well within your rights to be pissed and don’t give in.”
“NTA, you are paying Eve $80k for x number of kids, it’s not fair for her to watch x+2 kids at the same rate. Similarly, it’s not fair for you to pay any additional costs. SIL can watch her own kids if she can’t afford childcare, your inlaws can help.”
“Inform Eve that from now on, she is not to let anyone into your home. Then let SIL stand outside the door and knock and ring the doorbell until she can’t anymore … Eve is nice, but she needs to be firm in this, as you aren’t at home to enforce your household’s rules … The fact that SIL was sneaky about it means that she knows she is freeloading. Otherwise, she would have asked if it was okay before dropping the kids off. While SIL may not be able to afford $25/hour, she can afford something. But that isn’t the point. The point is that she did this without your permission, invaded your home without asking, and expected free work from your employee.”
“If you had a friend who worked as a secretary, you wouldn’t walk into her employers business and hand her stuff you need typed when you don’t even work there. That’s effectively what SIL is doing when she drops her kids off and expects your nanny to care for them.”
Leave a Comment