Party guest lists can be a point of contention under the best of circumstances. And since this is about Reddit, you know we’re not talking about the best of circumstances. Far from it.
A woman joined the “Am I The A—hole?” subreddit to ask about a guest for her daughter’s birthday party. “AITA for not inviting my ‘half sister’ to my daughter’s birthday party?” she asked. And so, as not to bury the lede any more than we already have, here comes the low down on the “half-sister.”
“Okay so this situation is pretty messed up,” the woman started her post. “When I was 22, my ex-husband filed for divorce from me because he was having an affair with my mother and had gotten her pregnant. At the time, I was also pregnant and we had a 3-year-old.”
And, ladies and gents, that was just the start of this decade-long drama.
So, to recap (because we had to read this a million times ourselves): The woman who originally posted (the “OP”) had a 3-year-old and a baby on the way with her now ex-husband. The man was having an affair with OP’s mom during their marriage and got her pregnant. The mom’s child would indeed be OP’s half-sister, which makes her the aunt of OP and the ex-husband’s kids. She’s also the half-sister of her niece and nephew since they all have the same dad. Following?
“My ex-husband said that because my mother was older than me (she was 36 or 37 at the time) she needed his support more than I did. Two years later I went no contact with both of them.”
Well, two weeks ago, the contact resumed.
The Request
OP said that her younger daughter (who she was pregnant with at the same time that her mom was also pregnant) is now in 4th grade.
“She asked if she could have a sleepover party for her birthday/back-to-school party. I told her of course and that we could send invites to her class using the class roster/contact sheet the teacher had emailed the parents.
The Surprise
“When I was going through the list I unfortunately noticed that my mother and ex-husband are listed as parents of a little girl in my daughter’s class,” OP said. “About half of the parents opted out of having their contact information on the sheet, including my mother and my ex.”
So OP and her daughter invited the six girls from the class whose parents had shared their email to the party.
The Mom’s Reaction
OP’s mom found out about the party and is now “livid.”
“[She has been trying] so many toxic ways to contact me and get her daughter invited to the party,” OP said. “I don’t want her daughter at the party, mostly because the whole situation is very painful to me and brings up bad emotions and I don’t want to have a relationship with the kid.”
OP said that at school pickup, her mom made a scene, calling OP an a-hole for excluding her daughter. The fourth grader is reportedly “very sad” about not being invited.
OP’s Uncertainty
OP is now wondering if she’s the a-hole for not inviting her half-sister. “I feel bad about it but my daughter doesn’t get along with her to begin with.”
OP then elaborated on that point in the comments, alleging that she’s “kind of a bully.”
“She also has picked on my daughter a little making fun of her for liking the color pink, calling her a ‘pick me girl,’ and also is just generally not nice to her.”
Pretty Big P.S.
OP later updated her post to share that her daughter doesn’t know the other girl is her sister/aunt.
“She thinks they are cousins,” OP said. “She doesn’t know that my ex-husband is her father.”
“I didn’t give my daughter the full details of what happened,” OP then said in a comment. “I just explained to her that families can be complicated etc.”
P.S. No. 2
OP also edited her post after receiving comments asking if the dad is paying child support. Which, let’s remember, was not the point of the post.
“PLEASE STOP WITH THE CHILD SUPPORT. It has been a HUGE source of stress for me. I have tried several times. With several lawyers. My state is VERY BAD with enforcement. I’m really tired of the suggestions and reading these comments I have tried a lot. Please stop suggesting that I haven’t.”
Reddit’s Reaction
Reddit is — much like us — still reeling from this story. There are so many different factors to understand and then juggle. But ultimately, aside from everything else, the question is whether OP is the AH for not inviting her half-sister to the party.
And what does Reddit think?
Hell no!
“You have a valid reason to not be involved in their lives anymore. Even if it was not for your reasoning, you would still have the right to choose who can and cannot come to your child’s party.”
“You are in no contact with them (understandably) so it’s odd they would expect an invite in the first place … As you suggested you invited those whose parents opted into the contact information so you could arrange this correctly and it’s not your fault they opted out that’s on them.”
“So sorry you experienced this type of betrayal OP. Absolutely NTA. The best thing is to keep as far away from these people as you can. You do not owe them or their child a damn thing. Edit: Is there a way to get the school and authorities involved so that moving forward your mother is unable to harass you in this manner? You deserve to live your life peacefully and being stalked and publicly cursed out is harassment.”
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