As we prepare for family barbecues this Labor Day Weekend, we are crossing all our fingers and toes that they are nothing like the experience one Redditor had recently. A woman joined the “Am I The A—hole?” subreddit yesterday to find out if she reacted appropriately to a fiasco at a recent family gathering.
The woman who originally posted (the “OP”) explained that she — a 32-year-old mom — went to a cookout at her 71-year-old uncle’s house. It’s a “rotating” family event, so everyone gets a turn hosting. This year, her aunt and uncle had the honor.
“My uncle is a very … difficult man to get along with,” she said in her post, “and I mostly went because it is important to my mom.
“He is very rigid in his beliefs and will make it very clear to you if you have done something to offend him,” she continued. “Once that has happened, there is no chance for redemption regardless of whether you are family, friends, or a stranger.”
As you probably guessed, OP’s family did something to offend her uncle and there was “no chance for redemption.” And so, she wants to know, is she the a-hole “for causing a mass exodus from my uncle’s BBQ?”
The “Crime”
At the cookout, OP’s 6-year-old daughter must have gotten hungry and “helped herself to a banana from the fruit bowl.”
“Now obviously, you shouldn’t take anything that doesn’t belong to you without asking,” OP acknowledged, “But she is 6 and manners are still being learned.” Totally fair!
The Threat
We want to give a shoutout to this little girl for getting herself some fruit! But OP’s uncle was not so impressed. He “lost his mind” over his great-niece’s actions.
“He called her a thieving brat and started threatening to call the cops,” OP said. “I stepped in and he told me to pack up my stuff and go because he didn’t want thieves in his home. He told me that neither myself, my daughter, nor my husband would ever be welcome again because clearly, this was a taught behavior.”
You’re kidding, right? We really hoped OP was kidding, but nope. Her uncle was “furious,” and so she snapped back that “this intolerance was why he has no friends, and why [her family] only visits his home out of obligation.”
“In the middle of this, he pulled out his phone to call ‘Mr. Police’ and ask how a little girl would survive in prison,” OP said. “My daughter was beside herself, so I gathered her and my husband, and we left.”
Are you fuming?!
The Fallout
Apparently, once OP and her family left, her uncle still hadn’t cooled down. He was “ranting and raving,” and eventually his other niece told him “he was lucky” that this happened with OP, explaining that anyone else in the family would not have been so nice.
“She told him that she refused to eat at the home of someone who thought it was okay to bully a child.” She left and “quite a few people” followed her until it was only the aunt and uncle left.
“I am glad I stood up for my daughter, but I never intended for everyone to leave as a result of the banana,” OP said.
The Uncle’s Reaction
Post-barbecue, the uncle started throwing himself a pity party. The aunt called OP to say he has been “moping” because he “feels like an outcast.”
“[She told me] that I humiliated him in his own home and I can’t expect his generation to be PC,” OP said. “… And that I shouldn’t have been so harsh.”
Reddit’s Reaction
Now OP wants to know if she was being “too much” at the barbecue. And more than 1.4K Redditors commented on the post to say OP is absolutely, positively not the a-hole here.
“His behavior is beyond absurd,” the top comment (with 6.5K upvotes!) said. “Obviously, bullying and threatening a child is awful, and you were right not to tolerate it. Your kid did nothing wrong. Anyone would assume that food set out at a family barbecue is there for guests to eat. I’d never expect anyone to ask me for food I’d put out. Your uncle is obviously pissed that you called out his sh*tty behavior and everyone agrees with you.”
“Don’t see how ‘being PC’ has anything to do with this. He blew up at your kid for a minor infraction. Heck, he was the one who told you that you, your husband, and your kid were no longer welcome! The fact that all those people left proves that they all felt as you had, but did not have the nerve to speak up before … Sounds like you’re free from having to visit him again at least … You have nothing to apologize for … Expecting your family to treat you with decency and respect is not ‘being PC.’ The fact is, the uncle sounds like a big bully. If he doesn’t want to accept the consequences of being a bully, that’s his problem.”
“For some people, exerting any amount of thought, consideration, or self-control is ‘being PC.’ They believe that only an immediate, knee-jerk reaction is authentic. Being thoughtful or considerate is fake.”
“Accusing a six-year-old of being a thief for having a banana at a relative’s house is pure absurdity. I’m sorry your daughter had this experience, that is not okay. I would cut all contact with them personally.”
“Shame on your aunt for trying to normalize his nastiness.”
“He’s expecting a child to have manners he can’t summon a modicum of. If he’s old enough to understand right and wrong, he’s old enough to understand he’s being an a-hole. Tell your aunt this isn’t about being PC. It’s about being a decent human being. You left, you didn’t invite anyone along for the ride, they chose to leave after. If he feels embarrassed in his own home he can take comfort in the fact there won’t be any guests over in the future for a repeat situation. Good for you for having a backbone. Old folks don’t get a pass to be mean cause they’re old.”
“It was perfectly normal for your daughter to take the banana. She did not demonstrate any lack of manners at all. [Do] the invitees have to ask permission every time they grab a chip from a bowl? …You are the HERO. & uncle reached the [f*ck around and find out] part of his life. Let the mofo mope.”
Agreed! The uncle’s complete and total overreaction over a piece of fruit was — shall we say — bananas, and we wish we could send the OP’s little girl an entire fruit basket.
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