There is a lot to adjust to with an infant at home. Especially for first-time parents who don’t have much experience with babies. There’s figuring out what to feed them, when to sleep them, and just generally WTF to do. *Nervous laugh*
One woman on the “Am I The A-hole? (AITA?)” subreddit is in the throes of that as we speak. She — the person who originally posted on Reddit (the “OP”) — and her husband have a 4-month-old baby. Before the little guy was born, the parents-to-be toured some daycares while trying to figure out their childcare situation.
“We ultimately decided to try to get through the first year of our baby’s life without childcare,” OP said. “We have flexible enough jobs that my husband could [take shifts].”
They decided that he would work 7:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. and that OP would work 3:30-6:30 p.m. “I agreed to try to create a schedule where the baby is napping at 3:30 to ensure a smoother transition.”
As you probably guessed, given the fact that this is about a Reddit post, things didn’t go as planned. So now, OP is wondering, “AITA for leaving my husband with a fussy baby?”
The First Problem
These parents wanted to have the baby nap at 3:30 p.m. “to ensure a smoother transition.”
“This later became a request from my husband that he nap from 3:30 to 4 p.m. so that he would have an opportunity to decompress,” OP said. “I have struggled to ensure this 100% of the time.”
“In addition, the baby recently has been very cranky when he does wake up and my husband is finding him hard to console.”
The Second Problem
In the past, the baby had a diaper blowout “during [the husband’s] time.” He pointed out to OP that the diaper “seemed loose.”
“I made it a point to give him a tight diaper after that,” she said. “Today, he had another blowout…[My husband] showed that he typically puts it on much tighter and I acknowledged that I do not typically make it that tight and that I would in the future make it even tighter.”
But here’s the kicker, folks: “He proceeded to tell me that he feels I am doing things that sabotage his time and leave him with an inconsolable baby.”
And So It Continues
OP tried to convince her husband that she was doing her best. “I swore (and do believe) that I am working very hard to set him up for success (arranging his naps and feedings, holding him for naps earlier in the day to prevent him from being overtired, getting bottles and other supplies ready) but he does not believe me because I did not make the diaper tight enough.”
Because she did not make the diaper tight enough.
Possible Solutions
OP said she doesn’t want to quit her job, but she did bring that possibility up to her husband since he’s not happy with the current situation. “He told me that I should not and that he would expect me to continue to pay the bills if I did.”
Another Route
Mr. Dad told OP that their son needs to be with her and that there is an “obvious answer.”
“I keep trying to set realistic expectations with him about his time with the baby, but he feels there is more I can do to create a better experience.” Because moms always have a great experience while parenting, right?!
She goes on to say, “He does not want outside help and is adamant that we cannot do daycare until baby is a year old.”
Reddit’s Reaction
You’re joking, right?! This dad is joking, right?!
“NTA. Your husband is unreasonable. He acts as though you are sabotaging him. This child is his too, and he needs to step up and take care of him. Babies have leaky diapers, don’t always sleep when you want them to, and aren’t always easy. They are tiny humans, not robots. I am sorry but your husband has no respect for you,” the top comment with 4.3K upvotes said.
“Nothing of what OP has written sounds like a fussy baby, it all sounds like a baby. Your husband clearly hasn’t been around many children and doesn’t understand they change their routine constantly.”
“Tightness of the diaper has no correlation. Babies move the diaper loosens, also a tight diaper can actually make a blowout worse as there’s no room for it to expand. Op is NTA, but her husband sure is. Wants her home because he doesn’t want to care for his own child, but still expects her to find money to continue the current finances. He can have one thing, but not the other.”
“Does husband take all the same preemptive steps for OP? I bet he just passes the baby off when she gets home from work like a football and doesn’t do any of the things he wants her to do.”
“You’re as much the mother as he is the father of this baby. He’s as capable as you are. He can handle a blowout without blaming you, and it won’t be his last. Blowouts are one of those things that can happen even if the diaper is okay.”
“It sounds like he only wants to be a dad when the baby is sleeping or happy. That’s unrealistic … If your husband thinks a diaper is too loose, he can change it. If he thinks the baby is tired, he can try to get him to sleep. And if he doesn’t sleep and if you can’t get him to stop crying, your husband can accept that this is what babies do. That is called being a dad. And don’t quit your job. He seems to be assuming that as the mother, the baby is more your area of expertise. The baby ‘needs to be with you’ and ‘you can do more to control your son’s moods.’ Tell him either he can quit his job and be a stay-at-home dad, thus eliminating the transition stress; the two of you can use daycare; or he can take some parenting classes and grow the f*ck up.”
“NTA … but he really is.”
Louder for the people in the back! Loud enough, at least, to drown out Mr. Dad’s cringe-inducing diaper-changing lesson.
Leave a Comment