This is a Reddit story that’s going to be incredibly painful to read. Not only because it’s laced with such outrageous racism and homophobia. But because it so quickly goes from heartwarming to horrific. And while we never wish for a situation to be entirely bad, sometimes it’s harder to read about something so sweet and immediately have it crushed.
A 34-year-old woman joined the “Am I The A—hole? (AITA)” subreddit to talk about her wife and their twin daughters. “They are the best things that have ever happened to us,” she said of the 5-year-olds. Her family of four lives next to a sweet couple in their seventies. Fumiko and her husband Jiro moved from Japan about 20 years ago to be closer to their son.
“Fumiko and Jiro adore the girls,” the woman who originally posted (the “OP” in Reddit lingo) said.
Which is so nice to hear! Except for that now OP has been put in a situation that made her ask Reddit if she is an a-hole for telling her parents that Fumiko and Jiro are “more like grandparents to [the twins] than they ever will be.” And if she’s wrong for considering cutting them off.
Special Bond
OP said Fumiko and Jiro are always making special foods for her daughters and coming outside to say hello.
“[They also let] them help in their garden (which is more nuisance than help lol) and much much more,” OP said. “In return, the girls LOVE them. My wife jokes that they probably like them better than us.”
Lending A Hand
And this goes well beyond your average neighbor relationship. When OP’s wife broke her leg and needed surgery, Fumiko and Jiro kept the girls overnight.
“It was all they talked about for weeks,” OP said. “They call them Granny and Papa J. We are so lucky to have them.”
A Jarring Difference
Meanwhile, OP’s parents are not close with the family of four.
“They never fully accepted that I married a woman and only begrudgingly came around when the girls were born. I wouldn’t say their granddaughters are close to them.”
A Special Gift
When Fumiko and Jiro went on a recent trip to Japan, they brought back omamori charms to “protect” the girls.
“They worry about them in school given uh, America. My wife and I are agnostic but were deeply touched by the gesture.”
Well, OP’s parents came to visit and were not so touched when they saw the charms.
Bigoted BS
OP’s mom asked what the charm was and one of the twins was proud to say her “granny gave it to her.”
“My dad looked at me and said, ‘Why do you let them hang out with those insert racial slur so much?’ I pretty much fricken lost it. Said [Fumiko and Jiro are more like grandparents to the girls than they ever will be], didn’t allow arguments, and kicked them out of my house.”
“My wife said she was proud of me,” OP said. And so was Reddit! More on that in a bit. Because yes, the BS continued.
“Grandma’s” Reaction
After that, OP’s mom called to say she “expected an apology” since OP “broke her heart.”
“All I can think about is cutting them off for good,” OP said before questioning herself and asking Reddit to weigh in.
“They are the girls’ grandparents though, maybe only in name, but still. It feels like a huge step, and a permanent one, and I just don’t know. Am I the AH for saying what I said? For possibly cutting them off? I could set harsher boundaries, maybe.”
Reddit’s Reaction
The internet is insisting that OP stick to her gut and cut her parents out of her and her family’s life.
“Ask yourself if you want these people, who are racist and homophobic, to influence your children’s views of the world … Grandparents do not have inherent rights to know grandchildren and consider if you really think they are good influences on your kids, or if all they do is make you unhappy and you always have to try to undo the wake of damage they bring. I’m sure your heart is kind. But consider: is it kind to yourself, your wife, your neighbors, and your kids to keep your parents in your life? Do you really think they would follow boundaries about not being bigots to your faces?”
“People like this only ever learn tough lessons … if they’re going to learn at all. What an adorable and special relationship your kiddos get to enjoy [with Fukimo and Jiro], OP!”
“Today my mom said she was ‘expecting an apology for breaking her heart.’ F*cking typical. She says something disgusting and expects an apology from the person who called them out on it.”
“Dear Mom,” one Redditor wrote, setting up the apology letter for OP. “I’m sorry you’re a racist. I’m sorry that I exposed my children to your racism. I’m horrified by your actions and dumbfounded that you feel like you are the injured party. I’m sorry that you are blind to reality, and feel that you should get an apology from me and my family when we are the victims. I hope that you can learn and grow enough to understand the damage you have done to my family and our relationship with you. Sincerely, OP”
“NTA – You reacted appropriately. They were rude to you and your children in your house, [edit – not to mention being grossly racist], and hardly accept you and your family. If anybody deserves an apology here, it’s you. I fully believe family doesn’t have to be blood-related.”
“I’m just going to ignore the second half of your post and focus on how incredibly heartwarming your situation is. Cherish your neighbors and the impact they have on your children…As for your parents, kick them to the curb.”
“Thanks for protecting Granny and Papa J. The amount of anti-AAPI hate has grown lately and you’re setting a good example for your daughters to grow up as future allies and future Good People in General.”
“They are the girls’ grandparents by blood. Fumiko and Jiro are their grandparents through love.”
And love is thicker than blood.
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