Sometimes negative or harmful relationships between family members aren’t so obvious. Right below the surface, the two may be slowly rotting away. And that rot may be spreading or building up, unbeknownst to those around them. That is — of course — until someone cuts it open so the problem is plain for all to see.
Once that bacterial bullsh*t is discovered, it’s time to do something about it. The “loved” ones have to find a way to cut the toxic bits out or be prepared to toss the whole relationship in the trash.
A mother and daughter-in-law have found themselves in a very similar situation and are — quite literally — trying to figure out how to address the whole thing. The mother-in-law said to cut the problem away and move on, whereas the daughter-in-law (who is the one who “originally posted” and is known as the “OP” on Reddit), said it’s time to chuck it.
OP joined the “Am I The A-hole? (AITA)” subreddit to find out if she’s in the wrong for letting a recent argument impact future family events, and so she’s asking the internet, “Am I the a-hole for not backing down to my MIL and not caring if she comes to my son’s 1st birthday?”
Early Arguments
Before we get into what brought OP to Reddit, we have to give some context. According to OP, her mother-in-law “always made side digs at her.” When OP was pregnant, MIL said she “wasn’t doing enough” and “sleeping too much,” adding that she “never had that luxury” to sleep while she was pregnant.
“Mind you I had morning sickness all the way up to 20 weeks and when I say morning sickness I was sick all day I had to go to the doctors to get nausea tablets for it. And still worked 40 hours a week.”
The Pumpkin Problem
OP had another fight with her MIL about two weeks ago when OP’s husband started cutting veggies for their son. In her post, she called it all “stupid,” but Reddit begs to differ.
“We got into an argument over moldy pumpkin,” she said.
The Disagreement
OP and her husband saw there was mold on the pumpkin they had. He cut it off and continued to cut up the fall staple, but OP told him to stop cutting it entirely: “I wasn’t giving it to my son.”
Input From The Peanut Gallery
Her mother-in-law got involved and said, “I’ve been having pumpkin like that since I was a kid and nothing happened to me so it’s fine.”
“I told her pumpkin is porous and that mold is probably [throughout it],” OP said. “She told me to stop being so childish, and that it was fine. I told her it’s not fine as it was my child, and I will not be feeding him [moldy pumpkin].”
Birthday Drama
OP and her MIL hadn’t spoken in two weeks, and OP had no plans to apologize because she “knows how she is and she likes to ignore people.”
OP’s husband took their son to see his grandma the other day and mentioned that the little boy’s birthday party — which is around the holidays — is being pushed up so more people can attend.
No Thanks
The MIL said she would not be going to her grandson’s birthday party because of OP.
“And [she said] my partner should put me in my place and he should wake up to himself,” OP wrote. “Now I’m really pissed. Should I stick my ground or am I the a-hole?”
Reddit’s Reaction
Reddit said OP should absolutely stick her ground, and the top comment — which said she is NTA — has more than 1.7K upvotes.
“Even if you would’ve been wrong about the pumpkin thing, which you’re not, it’s still your (you and your partner’s) child, so it’s your decision what you want to feed them. Also, MIL is the generation that also survived measles without vaccines and riding bicycles without helmets. Just because you’ve done something and ‘turned out fine’ says nothing about how safe it is.”
“Put you in your place? Who does she think she is? I think she is the one who needs to be put in her place. She is your son’s grandmother. Meaning she gets zero say in whether he eats moldy pumpkin or not. But the bonus here is she has chosen not to attend your son’s party. Sounds like a win.”
“If you give in now, your entire marriage will be your MIL lording over you and being nasty and dismissive to you (in front of your child no less! HELL no). I hope your partner has your back. If he doesn’t, he does indeed need to sack up, but not in the way MIL thinks. If he can’t/won’t despite her absolutely unacceptable behavior, you may have some hard choices to make.”
“If anyone should apologize it’s her for thinking she can dictate what you decide for your child. Husband should be telling his mom that she’s in the wrong here.”
“If you didn’t want to feed your kid moldy pumpkin, that was your decision to make because it’s your kid. She raised hers. She can decide whether or not she wants to attend the birthday party or not. If she wants to make this her hill to die on, let her die. IMO, she’s biting off her nose to spite her face.”
And if she still has an appetite after biting off her nose, it certainly sounds like she would be fine biting into that moldy pumpkin. But it sounds to us like there are much bigger issues than the pumpkin at play.
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