It’s sadly not uncommon for siblings of sick kids to be neglected by parents who are entirely absorbed by their child’s illness. While it’s an unimaginable situation to have to navigate and no one is perfect, some parents put all of their attention, love, and sympathy into the ailing child, which leaves nothing for their healthy children. This not only creates a strained relationship between the healthy children and distracted parents, but also establishes a divide between the siblings and fosters hurt feelings and resentment in the neglected children. It’s an unfortunate scenario that one teen is all too familiar with, and he confided in Reddit after he lashed out at his family following years of unfair treatment.
The 16-year-old teen created a post on Reddit’s “Am I The A—hole” forum to ask for unbiased opinions on a fight he had with his parents and 14-year-old sister. He explained that from ages 6 to 11, his sister battled a rare form of leukemia, and was under constant medical care during that period. The teenage boy added that she’s been in remission for the past three years and now lives a healthy life.
“My parents put me on the back burner in a major way and they were not there for me,” he wrote of his childhood, adding, “I was either bounced around to different family members or I was left alone.” The teen wrote that he was even neglected on birthdays and holidays because every occasion was centered around his sister’s potentially-fatal illness. “My birthday was forgotten a few years and Christmas was about her and I was asked to put the effort into making sure she had all the gifts and joy she could get because it could be her last,” he explained. While that could have been true, it’s extremely emotionally manipulative to put that on a child who deserved just as much love and attention as his sick sister.
Continuing the Biased Treatment
The teen described himself as being “miserable” and wrote, “I really felt like I was basically there as a prop to try and cheer her up sometimes.” He explained that when his sister would ask their parents for something, “They would move heaven and earth to get it.” Even worse is that they would occasionally make him give up his possessions if his sister wanted what he had.
He gave examples, writing, “Before she got sick my parents had bought me this bean bag chair for my room … and they gave it to her.” The teen continued, “When I brought home a treat from school they would ask/tell me to give it to my sister to cheer her up, and sometimes she would ask for it.” After he realized that this was a recurring pattern, he started eating his treats before he got home. The teen revealed his parents then began interrogating him about whether or not he ate his own snacks “like it was some crime I committed.”
“We went to see Santa for a few years after she was sick and I got a better cheap toy that we swapped because I couldn’t have something a little nicer than her,” he wrote, adding, “Which meant I got stuck with a lot of jewelry making kits or sparkly pink stationary kits.”
Even with his sister being healthy for the past few years, the unfair treatment has continued. The teenager shared, “Last Christmas I got clothes while she got a new phone and [S]witch skin.”
The Straw That Broke the Camel’s Back
The imbalanced dynamic reached a boiling point over the summer. The teen shared that for his 16th birthday in June, he treated himself to a gaming laptop he’d been saving for with money he earned from his job, plus cash gifted to him by his friends for the specific purchase.
“Last week my parents and sister were in the living room when I got home from school and my parents told me my sister wanted to play [computer] games with her friends, and that they thought since I had a gaming laptop I could just give it to her since it would make more sense than going out and buying a new one,” he wrote.
“When I didn’t answer right away they were like, ‘Oh well, of course you could always share it between you.’ And I lost it,” the teen shared. We don’t blame him a single bit — he’s never been allowed to take up space in his family, who couldn’t even let him have the one thing he purchased on his own, for himself.
“I started yelling and cursing,” he admitted. “I told them of course she should f**king have it and why the f**k not. I went into my room and took my clothes and said she should have all that too. I said why not take my bed and give it to her as well. Then pointed out she had a new bed and my bed was 12 years old,” he recalled of his outburst.
“I told them to take everything I own since she deserves it all and I don’t deserve sh*t because I never got sick as a kid,” he revealed. Dramatic? Sure. But also warranted? We think so. You can only push someone so far before they can’t take anymore, and this kid has stomached blatantly unfair treatment for years.
“My sister didn’t say a word and my parents were shocked but then they were pretty pissed with me and asked me what the hell I was behaving like that for,” the teen continued. “Things have been … tense since.” Opening it up to Reddit, he asked, “AITA?”
The Verdict
Fellow Redditors assured the teenager that he is not TA (the a-hole) in this situation. One user responded, “Your parents should have done a better job making sure your needs weren’t completely on the back burner. I understand it couldn’t have been easy with your sister being so sick but meeting your needs was and is also important.” They added, “I am sorry it went down the way it did. But you are absolutely in the right standing your ground.”
The teen heartbreakingly replied, “It hurt that none of my extended family really cared either.” He explained, “When I was there it was so they could feed me and I would have an adult supervising but they weren’t exactly loving and affectionate either and then I’d go home to parents who fussed over my sister while I was just … there. Or I was asked to do chores and make sure my sister was okay.”
He continued, “Then to have stuff taken from me and to see them buy her all kinds of nice stuff. It really messed with my head. I really hoped once she got better I could maybe get some of that interest too. But no.” That’s some rip-your-heart-out-of-your-chest stuff right there. No child should be made to feel that way by anyone, let alone their own family.
Another person kindly suggested, “Sometimes a guidance counselor or neighbor or clergy member (usually I would mention outside family members, but they dropped the ball, so there’s no use asking for them to intercede) can help.” They continued, “If OP reached out, they could explain to the parents why there needs to be therapy or something to happen to make OP safer and happier in his family. Otherwise, OP, apply to schools that aren’t close to home for college and work hard to make yourself a scholarship candidate as much as you can.”
We agree with the Redditor’s suggestion — if the teen is open to therapy with his family and can convince them to give it a try, that would be great. If not, cutting off his toxic family members may be the healthiest thing for him to do.
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