Time for your daily reminder: The parent(s) or primary caregiver(s) of a child — as opposed to other adults — get to make the decisions surrounding that child’s life an overwhelming amount of the time. As long as the child’s safety and/or well-being isn’t on the line, what the parents
say goes. Now take a second and read that again. Because based on what we constantly see on Reddit’s “Am I The A—hole? (AITA)” subreddit, people can’t get that through their heads.
A new mom on Reddit wrote a post about her parents’ reaction to her son being born last week. She explained that when she and her husband got checked in at the hospital, they “obviously” told a few people where they were. That included her parents.
ICYMI: Reddit is fuming over this MIL! https://t.co/tc9HyUfNOa
— SheKnows (@SheKnows) October 9, 2023
“My mom’s immediate reaction was ‘Let us know if you change your mind and want us to come to the hospital!'” the woman who originally posted (the “OP”) said. “Even though for weeks I said I didn’t want anyone at the hospital. Then she said she was packing and said, ‘We are coming of course! But not to the hospital.'”
They assumed they could wait at OP’s house, but she said no. Because reminder: She just had a baby. And, as per usual, she gets to decide who does and doesn’t get to stay at her house. That was just the start of OP’s decision-making, and, spoiler alert: her parents were not happy with any of them.
Start Of The Saga
OP spent 21 hours (twenty. one. hours.) in labor and then pushed for three hours before her son was born. As soon as he made his grand entrance, she let her parents know that their grandson had arrived.
“Immediately they were asking for photos,” OP said. “I understand they are excited and already love him, but holy sh*t I felt they were being needy and not respecting that I was tired, talking to hospital staff, trying to learn to breastfeed, etc.”
Right! That was a really overwhelming and critical time during which OP needed to be focused on, well, focusing, and not so much on texting.
On It Goes
When the new family of three was moved to a recovery room, OP and her husband decided to hold off on sending pictures to anyone. That included the husband’s dad and grandmother — “his two favorite people” — so OP’s parents weren’t being “singled out” as the only ones not getting photos.
“I can’t really even explain why we don’t want to send pics of our son out right now,” OP said. “We both just have some anxiety about sending a photo to someone and then that photo spreading like wildfire to people we did not consent to having a photo of our son sent to so we’ve just decided to hold off.”
“Not forever, but for now,” she continued. “We’ve literally already talked about how excited we are to send our first Christmas cards this year! So this isn’t a forever thing.”
The Reaction
You won’t be surprised (although you may be mad) to hear that OP’s parents did not take this well.
“[They] lost their minds,” she said. “Blew up both our phones, stressed me out to the point of tears so husband called my dad to ask them to stop and my dad had the balls to hang up on my husband and then my dad tells me that he and husband don’t need to speak or see each other again.”
The Next Step
This whole “no photos” thing doesn’t mean OP doesn’t want her parents to see their grandson. When she was discharged, she texted her parents several times asking to FaceTime them so they could meet him over video.
“They ignored me.”
Talk about petty!
Her Mom’s Reasoning
OP finally got a hold of her mom, who said she was sobbing and that it was “torture” waiting for a photo.
“I told her she made my labor all about her and that no one asked me and my husband what we wanted,” OP said. “It was all about what they wanted.”
OP’s parents couldn’t give it up. They said they don’t understand the unwillingness to share photos since “everyone else in the world” sends them.
“I said I don’t care about the world and I totally see how sending a photo seems like no big deal and our decision seems irrational but you don’t have to understand it. You just have to respect it.”
The Question
Now OP is asking the internet if she is being a “dramatic” a—hole.
“My mom said I probably cried in the recovery room not because they stressed me out but because I was just hormonal and tired.”
“Be honest with me,” she continued, “are my husband and I drawing a hard line over something nonsensical?”
Reddit’s Response
OF. COURSE. NOT. Even though some people say this isn’t the hill OP should die on, the majority say she is “NTA” (not the a—hole).
“You should have been giving it to them that they were stressing out a new mother and that they should be disgusted with themselves for doing that to their daughter,” the top comment (with 10K upvotes!) said. “…They have no right to treat you like this. I would be doing the same thing if I was in your shoes. You are the mum what you say goes. They suck it up and deal with it.”
Some people admitted that it seemed “odd,” but said that ultimately doesn’t matter. “Me not understanding that [decision] doesn’t mean it’s an AH thing to do though. Not getting a picture isn’t torture. People are supposed to be supporting a couple who just had a new baby, not adding to stress.”
“Grandbaby photos are serious currency in the grandma boasting scene. Your mother really really wants to dunk on all her friends; she thinks that ‘everyone’ circulates baby photos because all her friends do, and she has likely been promising them pictures. And you are correct: any picture she gets will be circulated far and wide within moments of her receiving it. Her refusal of the FaceTime offer proves that she’s not interested in seeing or meeting her grandchild, it is in having grandbaby IP to upload. I’d hold the line. NTA.”
“Ignoring the FaceTime call really cements it — having a tantrum over not getting a shareable photo trumps actually seeing her grandson, which is sad. 100% NTA, OP.”
“You’re mom and dad now – congratulations! You get to make the rules of your household and about sharing pictures of your kid as wild as you please. These are very normal feelings to have. You’re good! She’s minimizing what you went through. She is basically telling you your thoughts and feelings don’t matter. Not today Satan. You and your husband do you. Stand strong. They’ll come crawling back if they want a place in their grandkid’s life — on YOUR terms. You’re mom and dad now. Your rules are the rules. They can have whatever feelings they want over them. They’re still the rules.”
“Take it from someone whose in-laws had a similarly hysterical reaction to boundaries around a newborn: now is the time for you and your husband to stand your ground and insist your parents respect your wishes, otherwise they will act this way every time you don’t do things they way they want you to.”
Haters Are Everywhere
OP emphasized in the comments that her family would share the photo even if they were asked not to, which is part of why they decided to hold off.
“I know we can’t hide this kid forever, and damn it’s not like we are some celebrity couple trying to keep our kid out of magazines – but he’s not even a week old,” OP said. “Let us keep him to ourselves for just a bit.”
OP shouldn’t have to keep defending herself and neither should celebrities who try to shield their kids from the paparazzi and fans. People think they’re entitled to see a celeb’s child’s face, and we are so over seeing that rhetoric in the comments of social media posts.
Drew Scott recently shared a video of his and wife Linda Phan’s son Parker. The couple does not show their 1-year-old’s face — much to the chagrin of the peanut gallery.
“Not sure why people in the public eye post numerous videos of their children and hide their faces. If you don’t want people to see your kids, don’t post them at all. 🤷🏼♀️” “Why take videos and pictures of him if you not going to show his face #justasking.” “Why post this if we can’t see boy or girl.” “He is adorable. When will we see his sweet face?😍”
Really? It’s time for followers and family to get over not seeing pictures. Because (once again!) the parents get to decide. And it’s so not worth ruining a relationship over. Is this really the hill OP’sparents want to die on?
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