It’s common for moms-to-be to create some sort of birth plan. Some are more specific and medically focused than others. The American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology (ACOG) has a sample birth plan that parents can fill out. It prompts moms to let their doctors know if they would like to move around during labor, if they are OK with medical students being in the room, if they want to use a birthing ball, if they want to use anesthesia, if they want to use a mirror to see the baby’s birth, and more.
There are also the more personal things that birthing people should consider. Do they even want to give birth in a hospital? Which loved ones are allowed in the room? What will be in the hospital bag? And the list goes on.
But, as ACOG says, new parents should keep in mind that having a plan and having a birth go as planned are two different things. There are no guarantees.
“Unexpected things can happen,” they said on their site. “… A birth plan is a great starting point, but you should be prepared for changes as the situation dictates.”
One mom-to-be is certainly finding that to be true. Her husband joined the “Am I The A—hole? (AITA)” subreddit to find out if he is a jerk for not wanting to be involved in the birth in the way his wife wants him to be.
The Conflict
The man who originally posted (the “OP” in Reddit lingo) asked less than a day before his child’s birth if he’s the a—hole for insisting he won’t cut the umbilical cord.
“I told [my wife] quite early on, that I didn’t want to cut to the cord,” he said.
“I know it’s just me and that I’m making it weird, but I find it really squeamish to cut into human flesh,” he said. “It seems like a medical procedure and I’m REALLY uncomfortable with it.”
He said that, at the time, his wife seemed to accept “under protest,” but now she is pressing the issue again. He told her he wants to be involved “in every way he can,” whether it be by catching the baby and/or handing the baby to her. But cutting the cord is a no go.
“I feel that my wife has a Hollywood idea of birth, including that I cut the cord,” he said. “She also wants me to get in the shower with her and rub her back during labor, which she saw on a Netflix show.”
Added Information
OP edited his post to add some [perhaps unexpected] vague information.
“The squeamishness is only about the cutting. I am a first responder so I’ve seen every kind of gore you can think of. Blood, guts, screaming etc. I am used to these things.”
He then conceded that even though he doesn’t want to get in the shower, he will because it’s a “reasonable request” and a “compromise” given that he won’t change his mind about the cord.
Now OP wants to know: will he risk cutting ties by not cutting the cord?
Reddit’s Reaction
Reddit feels you on this one, OP! Even though the future mama gets to make 99.9% of the calls, she can’t force him to cut the cord.
“If you don’t want to cut human flesh, especially if you feel that is a violent action to do towards another person or it is a medical procedure then you shouldn’t,” reads the top comment with 2K upvotes. “But what do you mean you are going to catch the baby? I’m guessing she is planning on doing more of a home birth kind of thing? You do understand how messy and horrifying watching a birth can be with there also being a lot of tearing so if you are squeamish about cutting the cord I really think you need to make sure you know what you are getting into.”
“I’ve never met a single person whose birth plan went how they thought, from both big and little changes. But having one is comforting at a time of high stress and pain. I wouldn’t argue about this with your (very pregnant!) wife if you don’t have to – you know her wishes, she knows yours. No need to debate it. But decline and help her cuddle the baby while the cord is cut. I hope everything goes fabulously for all 3 of you!”
“If you’re not comfortable literally cutting the cord, I think the last thing that should be between you and your newborn is essentially a very sharp knife.”
“It’s unfortunate that you aren’t able to do one of the things she is dreaming of, but you aren’t. Both of you are communicating clearly so there won’t be any surprises, and you don’t have much time. It is what it is…The part about rubbing her back while she stands under hot water seems pretty straightforward, though. Just take some swim trunks and a towel and flip-flops to the hospital…Where possible, be gentle with her and be flexible with each other. Where that is not possible, forgive each other.”
“Birth is honestly really f*cked up. I don’t know how else to put it. Whatever way it happens it’s going to be messy, bloody, and kind of violent. I suggest no one goes into it with any real expectations or big hopes about what might happen. I’ve seen so many people be depressed about their birth ‘experience’ when the important thing is for everyone to come out alive and as unscathed as possible,” one person said.
OP responded to that comment saying, “That’s a real pep talk, thank you so much! TBH I’d rather see my wife involuntarily lose her bowels during the birth, as gross as that is, than cut anything. Not sure why.”
The Decision
After reading through the comments — and responding to a lot — OP edited the post again. At 1 a.m. The night before the baby is due. And yes, we have feelings about that.
“(Probably) Final edit: Thanks so much for all your comments,” he said. “I believe I have read all of them. We are going to go with mum cutting the cord while I hold her other hand and control the camera remote as she would like a photo of it. Some of you suggested this, many thanks.”
Well, we guess it’s good that they have a quasi-plan now (again, anything can change!). But we doubt this will be the last edit. Stay tuned for a (probable) update.
A Scary Situation
OP did end up coming back to Reddit to let everyone know about his son’s birth.
“Outcome: A healthy baby boy! Mum is recovering from a difficult labor that ended in an emergency Caesar. All this talk of the cord – it was twice wrapped around the baby’s neck so it was cut by the medical team in the end.”
That’s incredibly scary and so we’re so happy to hear that both his wife and the baby are doing well. At the end of the day, that’s all that matters. Congratulations to this family of three!
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