A mom who we’re going to assume is from the United States (although, yes, we know what happens when you assume …) turned to the internet this week after having a fight with her husband. We think it’s a pretty common fight that a lot of parents end up having. It’s the question of if and when their child is allowed to drink alcohol. Is it a coming-of-age teen moment? Is it at midnight on their 21st birthday?
This mom joined the “Am I The A—hole? (AITA)” subreddit to ask the internet if it was OK to give her teen alcohol. Given that most cultures let people start drinking as teens, we have to imagine this family is in a “21 and over” country. She explained that last night, she was having a glass of wine while watching a movie with her 16-year-old daughter.
“She asked me if she could try some,” the woman who originally posted (the “OP” in Reddit terms) said. “Normally, I’m strict with my children when it comes to alcoholic beverages, but I didn’t think a little wine would hurt, so I poured her a glass.” She told her daughter that this would be a “once-in-a-blue-moon exception.”
Her Husband’s Reaction
OP’s husband was not OK with his daughter drinking a glass of wine and reportedly “lost his mind” when he walked into the living room.
“He started shouting at me, asking why the hell I let her drink alcohol underaged, and said she could easily become addicted to it,” OP wrote. “I immediately felt bad and apologized, but my husband is still pissed with me over this.”
OP doesn’t think her husband trusts her anymore, and now she wants to know, “AITA for letting my 16-year-old daughter drink a glass of wine?”
And Reddit is pretty divided on this one.
More Context
OP responded to one of the more than 6 thousand comments she got on her post (that got twice as many upvotes) with some pretty critical information.
“[My husband’s] family actually does have a tragic past with alcohol. When he was 7 years old, his father ODed on Christmas Eve night.”
Team NTA
Many Redditors do not think OP was the AH. In fact, they think it was the right move to expose her teen to alcohol in the home.
“Europe has entered the chat,” one person said. Because if anyone were to be Team NTA, it would be Europe. “NTA. Fostering a healthy relationship with alcohol is the way forward.”
“This is the perfect way to introduce your daughter to alcohol — it’s a safe, controlled environment with people (her parent) she trusts most in the world. You want her to learn healthy habits and drinking in moderation with you right next to her removes a lot of the appeal of alcohol. You’re taking away any lingering mystique or stigma. If it’s not forbidden or an ‘adult thing’ she’s not allowed near/trusted with then it loses a lot of the appeal … keeping it as some kind of forbidden fruit until she’s 21 only makes it more likely she’ll hide it from you rather than feeling comfortable sitting next to you every now and then sharing a glass of wine.”
“It’s a little alarming that your husband’s first reaction was to yell at you,” a Redditor said before OP explained her husband’s family history. “We only have this scene to go on, but jumping straight to ‘she could get addicted’ from a single glass of wine shared with her mother, seems like either a huge reach or like there’s something deeper behind it.”
Some Redditors said that history is “all the more reason” for these parents to teach their teen about responsible drinking habits.
“I find a lot of kids that grow up super sheltered tend to let too loose when they have independence because they haven’t been taught moderation or caution. Given the family history, it’s necessary.”
“As the child of an alcoholic who grew up to be an alcoholic, the rule in my household as a kid was ‘no, never, not for you.’ Do you think I never had a beer? No, I stole and lied about it, now I’m good at hiding it and drink a case a day. Teach your kids.”
Team YTA
Those who think OP is the AH don’t necessarily think her actions were wrong because her daughter is underage. They think she’s wrong because she didn’t talk to her husband about this.
“How could you not think this was worth a discussion with your husband first, even regardless of his past but especially because of it? Now you just look irresponsible and flippant. You’re not your daughter’s only parent. He had to come home and be presented with you making a major decision about your child’s life without his input at all.”
“In other situations, his reaction would seem strange, but it’s quite reasonable for him to be very worried about it. Addiction can have a genetic component I believe.”
“[YTA because] you have a coparent who this should have been discussed with. I think to deny them any input on a decision like serving alcohol to your minor child for the first time was a mistake worth apologizing for.”
“I had to scroll a lot to get to [a YTA comment] … YTA OP, you blindsided your partner and took an important decision without consulting their opinion. Also, alcohol is not just illegal at 16 because governments are lame, there are biological reasons why teens should not be having it. ALSO, having a sip is way different from having a glass of wine, if you wanted your kid to try it you didn’t have to offer a full glass. I would be livid if my husband did this.”
“This wasn’t something you and your husband had discussed previously and already had a united stance on, so this was a parenting fail.”
“’Normally, I’m strict…’ well what happened? You can’t expect your husband to know you decided to change your mind because you felt like it…This post isn’t about teenagers drinking … it’s about parents being on the same page.”
And these parents — just like Redditors — were not on the same page. Only time (and maybe an updated post?!) will tell if they got there.
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