So many students of every age missed out on educational and social milestones because of the COVID-19 pandemic, but high school seniors were arguably hit the worst. There are so many events that make senior year memorable, and one mom joined the “Am I The A—hole? (AITA)” subreddit to talk about what it looked like for her now-21-year-old daughter “Misty” to graduate in 2020.
“Things like her senior trip, spring break, and prom got canceled,” the mom who originally posted (the “OP”) said. “Her school never planned a ‘make up’ trip or prom for her year and instead went back to business for the class of 2021.”
OP — who also has kids “Brock,” 24 and “Ash,” 19 — gave “props” to Misty for never complaining about her class’s situation.
“She accepted things with a sense of resignation if that makes sense,” she said. “Regardless, I can see that it hurt her to see her brother and sister get to do the things she couldn’t do.”
Because of course it did! Those are major memory-filled milestones that no kid should have to miss out on. And so now OP joined Reddit to ask, “AITA for giving my adult daughter money to make up for missing out on her senior trip?”
Misty’s Request
A few weeks ago, Misty reached out to her mom to see if she would help her pay for something pretty expensive.
“Her favorite actor is going to be performing on Broadway next spring and she desperately wants to see that show. She’s in college and has a job, but needs help paying for a ticket.” And if you were wondering what show it is (a lot of people were), it’s Cabaret!
OP’s Response
Misty apparently made it clear that her mom didn’t have to contribute if she didn’t want to. “But given what happened three years ago and how she took it, I felt bad for her. What she went through wasn’t fair,” OP said. It’s not clear if Misty brought up her senior year during this discussion, but it was definitely front and center for Mom.
Her Reasoning
Now it’s time for a little Mom Math! OP generously bought Misty a ticket for opening night. Opening. Night. How awesome is that?! “It was expensive, yes, but frankly it was about the same amount that was spent for Ash’s prom or Brock’s letterman jacket and banquet.” So she was spending the same amount on Misty that she would have if her senior year had gone as planned.
What About Misty’s Dad?
Meanwhile, the Dad Math is not mathing. OP’s husband is not cool with this plan and thinks she’s “spoiling” Misty.
“He doesn’t see how it’s fair to give our adult daughter money but not do the same for the other kids. To him, what happened in 2020 happened in 2020 and you can’t do anything to fix it.”
“I disagree,” OP said. “Brock and Ash got to go on trips, banquets, and prom for their senior year and Misty spent hers under lockdown. She really had nothing to commemorate her senior year. And if anything, the money I spent on her ticket came out to less than all of the senior year expenses for either of our other children.”
OP later said in the comments that if Misty was under 18, her husband would feel differently. But now that she’s an adult, he thinks she shouldn’t be getting help for “fun” activities like vacations or concerts. Only “adult expenses” like college, a car, a house, or a wedding.
Reddit’s Reaction
You’re joking, right? Dad needs to get over himself and recognize how reasonable this is, and how respectfully Misty handled it. Redditors keep reassuring OP that she made the right move and that her husband is undoubtedly the AH here. Or — as she ended up calling him in her updates — the “dingus.”
“Senior trip and this may be apples and oranges — but so are your kids, and the circumstances of their years in high school. Instead of spending her money first and then asking you for rent, she prioritized adult responsibilities and only then reached out for help getting some fun experiences she wants, deserves, and probably very much needs after a stressful transition from HS to college … there’s nothing wrong with telling her you’re proud of how she’s handled it and handing over money you’d budgeted for her HS senior expenses.”
“I’m pretty confident her siblings would say that this trip is a fair thing for her to have because 2020 shut down her senior year so much. The husband needs to reevaluate that this is money that would’ve been spent 3, almost 4 years ago that never was.”
“That’s a very nice gesture you are doing for your daughter and I support it. Since hubby is insisting on being an AH, tell him the money came out of his Christmas Present fund so he shouldn’t be expecting much from you this year. It’s like the rules say, naughty kids (AH’s in this case) get coal for Christmas.”
“Your daughter missed out on not just life events but core memories. Prom is an important event, not just for dressing up and spending time with friends, but is something people remember for years … You did good momma, she will remember this moment, and it will mean the world to her.
“Stand your ground. You are absolutely right about this. The fact that she accepted it all with grace makes this kind of positive reinforcement even more important. Sounds like she’s a tender soul (asking but not demanding, guilting, or acting entitled). Hubs is wrong 100% make a spreadsheet if he needs a visual.”
“Your husband is being ridiculous. I know Broadway theater tickets are expensive, but when you look at what you and he laid out for her siblings’ senior years, this is pennies on the dollar. Give her the money and let her have her day.”
“Your daughter got shafted because of the thing that shall not be named. She asked and you said yes, she didn’t demand it. Are you spoiling your daughter? I don’t think so, I see it as you doing something nice for her and giving her a memory that she will have for a lifetime.”
It’s not only the memory of the show, but the memory of who helped her get there — and the memory that her mom recognized how much money wasn’t spent on her in 2020, and had the kindness to gift her a meaningful experience now.
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