You’ll be shocked (not!) to hear there is more blended family drama on the “Am I The A—hole? (AITA)” subreddit. And Reddit has no problem stirring the pot.
A divorced mom of two kids — 11-year-old and 9-year-old sons — is butting heads with her ex-husband’s new wife. The two of them have been married for two years now and she has no children of her own.
“This topic is one that she approached a few times with me,” the woman who originally posted (the “OP”) said. “…She told me that now they were a two-parent household, there was no need for me to show up to all games, recitals, plays, etc, because she would be going to them and there only needed to be one.”
Wait, what?
OP ignored her children’s stepmom because she has always gone to “that kind of thing.” But the stepmom is insisting that she should get more special one-on-one time with her stepkids. She wants to be the only one they see in the crowd at soccer games and the likes.
But OP is not standing for that, and so she wants to know, “AITA for refusing to step aside so my ex’s wife can support my kids alone for some of their activities?”
Why OP Shows UP
Since OP is self-employed, she said she can easily plan her work day around her kids’ various events. And her going is about more than just being able to go. It’s about wanting to go and her kids wanting her to go.
“They always tell me about the bigger moments in their extracurriculars or school and tell me when I should be there or if I need tickets, etc,” she said. “My ex goes when he can which is not often and he never goes to anything he doesn’t consider big enough.”
Stepmom’s Plan
The stepmom said she wanted to go alone to events and that OP should only go when it’s her parenting time.
“I ignored her request and continued showing up,” OP said. “My ex mentioned it to me also and I told him that we could both go to their activities whenever we like and it is not dictated by the court order since it doesn’t take parenting time to show up and support our children.”
Coming To A Head
OP’s son had a dance recital a couple of weeks ago and there was a request for parent volunteers. Both OP and the stepmom agreed to help out.
“We both arrived together and she was upset the whole two hours we were helping out,” OP said. “She was especially upset when I stayed.”
“Afterward, she told me that she’s trying to create a special bond with the kids but they will never want her around as long as I’m there and if I was a good person/mom, I would do the right thing and not show up every time and give her a chance to do it so she can show an extra effort for my kids.”
The Fight
OP told her that she will always show up “as long as her kids want her and as long as she can physically do it.”
“She told me her relationship with the kids is important though and I honestly told her it’s not important to me,” OP said. “[I said] that my kids’ wishes as well as my relationship with them is more important.”
“My ex’s wife told me I was an ass and she called me a selfish and jealous baby momma and accused me of ‘unreasonable hatred.’ My ex also gave me a hard time about it afterward.”
And so now OP wants to know, is she being an a—hole?
Reddit’s Reaction
NOPE! Reddit is totally Team OP. Why is this woman trying to bully OP out of her own family? Why is she using “baby mama” as an insult? Why would she want fewer people loving and supporting her stepkids?
“At this point, I would go nuclear and get a lawyer,” one person said, immediately going for the jugular. “She is actively trying to force you to alienate yourself from your children … She has no rights, no say, and a lot of audacity. Tell your ex … he needs to get her firmly in line. No excuses, no discussion.”
OP admitted she wouldn’t have much of a legal footing quite yet, but she said she is “documenting things” so she has “proof” should things get worse.
“She’s got issues …” another person said. “It sounds to me like she wants you completely out of the picture so she can play happy families with your ex and just pretend you don’t exist.”
“She is a total ass for wanting you to stay away from your children at special and important moments in their lives … The worst thing a divorced parent can say to a child is ‘I’m not coming because it’s not my week.’ It’s beyond unreasonable of her to ask that of you…She needs to understand that trying to keep you away at important moments will not strengthen her bond with the children, but rather the opposite, I’d say.”
“She needs to get it together. I applaud her for wanting to be involved with the kids so much some stepparents can be downright evil. With that being said she can find some other way to bond with the kids. You are their mom, not her. Has your ex hubby stepped in? This is highly inappropriate behavior and he needs to stop it. Y’all may be exes but you have kids and they need to see their father standing up for their mother when she is being disrespected.”
“The expectation that you should stop supporting your children at their extracurricular activities just because someone else can also support them is ridiculous.”
Ridiculous, overstepping, boundary-crossing, disrespectful. The negative adjectives Redditors are using to describe the stepmom’s behavior goes on and on. Because this is no way to treat the mother of your stepkids. It doesn’t just hurt OP. It hurts the kids. And if the stepmother in this situation focused more on them and less on their mom, she would realize that.
Leave a Comment