Jennifer Garner is one of those celebrities that we wish could be in our mom squad. She has the most relatable parenting takes and an inspirational co-parenting relationship with her ex-husband Ben Affleck, with whom she shares Violet, who turns 18 in December, Seraphina, 14, and Samuel, 11. And in a new interview, the 13 Going on 30 star taught us a new phrase that is definitely going to be in our arsenal from now on: “benign neglect.”
On Her Parenting Style
On The TODAY Show With Hoda & Jenna on Tuesday, Garner chatted about her laidback parenting style.
When host Hoda Kotb asked what her parenting style is, Garner said, “I just really enjoy my kids.” She went on, “I don’t know that I have some overarching philosophy. I just think they’re such cool people, and I want to hear everything, and I want to be around.”
But unlike Amy Poehler’s “cool mom” from Mean Girls, Garner is OK with taking a step back from knowing everything about her kiddos. “But I also think it’s OK if they suffer from a little bit of benign neglect,” she continued with a laugh. “Where their lives are their own. I’m not trying to live their life, and I don’t mind that they see that I love mine.”
I love that! Benign neglect is like letting your toddler play alone while you get some laundry done because you know it’s OK to not have to constantly entertain them all the time. It’s letting your kids have some things that are just for them, without demanding to know every single detail of their lives. It’s being OK going to work and enjoying your life without feeling guilty because you want them to grow up and do the same with their kids. It’s absolutely beautiful, and I’m going to take this with me in my own parenting journey.
On Holiday Traditions
The Last Thing He Told Me star also opened up about her holiday traditions with her kids. “It’s a lot of fun,” Garner said about this time of year. “I mean it’s a lot of forced joy because I really do feel like any traditions you force when they’re little, they appreciate when they’re older. So it’s a lot of that.” That is so true! We’re glad it’s not just us.
Garner said that her holiday decorations include “music boxes” and “things going off when you walk by.”
“Lots of music happening,” she continued, emphasizing, “Lots of music. … And, you know, all of it. I want it all, I want all of it,” she added. It sounds like such a fun place to be!
Part of her traditions are baking Christmas cookies. Much like her parenting style, Garner embraces mistakes. “I’m game for baking,” she answered when Kotb asked her if she was “good at baking.”
“And I don’t mind mistakes. They usually still taste delicious. And I don’t want a mistake get in the way of me wanting to try something new,” she continued.
“That sounds like also a good parenting thing,” Kotb responded. It’s such a good philosophy for many areas of life!
On Her Daughter Violet
It seems like her parenting strategy is working, because her kids seem confident and independent.
In an interview on Live With Kelly & Mark, Garner said that she recently took Violet on college tours. “It is exciting,” she said. “I can see the stress — even though the excitement and stress go hand in hand. But she’s handling it like a champ and she’s totally in charge.”
“I’m not having to say, ‘Are you doing this, are you doing this?’ She’s a self-starter,” she continued. “And I’m just proud of her no matter what.”
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