A mom on Reddit is “starting to get on in years” and so she decided to update her will. And what was perhaps riskier than her decision to share her changes with her family, is that she decided to then share them with the internet too. Earlier today, she joined the “Am I The A—hole? (AITA)” subreddit to find out if she was the a—hole for her new estate plan.
That stuff gets messy enough with those directly involved (as you’ll soon be reminded), and now you want to get the entire virtual peanut gallery involved? Yikes. Of course, it’s what every Redditor does when they come to share their family drama. And sometimes, with financial quandaries like this, it pays out big. With Redditors swiftly walking the people who originally posted — the OPs — through what they need to do.
When a “not-yet stepmother” stole from her “not-yet stepson’s” bank account to help pay for her wedding, Reddit backed him up and urged him to change his passwords. When an aunt’s 12- and 14-year-old niece and nephew destroyed $1.5 thousand worth of makeup, Reddit backed her up — and encouraged her to lawyer up.
And so this mom no doubt thought she’d be getting a pep talk and priceless advice too. But … um … just like your inheritance plan, tunes can change.
OP’s Sons
OP has two sons — Jack and Benjamin. Jack is 33 and in a “good place” in his life. “He has a good job with a senior position in his industry, a longterm fiancée, a wide circle of friends, and whilst they’re still renting, they’re both currently saving for a house deposit,” OP said.
And Benjamin?
Benjamin — or “Benji,” as OP calls him — is another story. Despite being the older brother, he has “not done as well in life.” OP said he has never had a romantic relationship, has no friends that he sees, and though he tried going to university a couple of times, he left due to anxiety. He reportedly “chooses not to work,” and OP has supported him financially while they’ve lived together for the past six years.
“I know that the situation is not ideal, however I’ve long since come to terms with the fact that Benji is a square peg trying to fit into a world of round holes, and as I’m getting older I’m happy for his company,” OP said in her post. “It’s an arrangement that suits us both.”
So What Did OP Do?
After recognizing that she — at age 66 — is “getting on in years,” OP looked over her will and asked Jack to meet with her so they could discuss her changes. She decided that nearly all her assets — both cash and property — would go to Benji when she passes. But! Jack will be given £10 thousand “to help with his house deposit.”
“My reasoning for this is that I know full well Jack is capable of looking after himself after I am gone, but without assistance, Benji will always struggle. He is simply never going to have what Jack has.”
Jack’s Reaction
Yikes. Jack was understandably pissed about the news. Or, as OP said, he “did not take kindly” to it.
“He said that I’m effectively punishing him for having succeeded in life, where his brother has been allowed to not try and fail his entire life, and is now being rewarded for ‘choosing to remain a neat so he can suckle on mummie’s teat.'”
Okie dokie! Not mincing any words here! Jack finally said that this wasn’t about the money or assets but yet another example of her “favoring” or “coddling” Benji.
“He claimed [Benji and I] were in an ’emotionally incestuous relationship.'”
What About Now?
This happened about three months ago and Jack has been MIA ever since. He hasn’t responded to OP’s calls, he ignored her birthday (“not even a card”), and with this trajectory, she doesn’t expect to see him at Christmas. “So it’s going to be just me and Benji as usual.”
“I love both my children equally,” OP said in the final plea of her post before turning it over to Redditors, “but I can’t go to my grave knowing that Benji will be out on the streets suffering without me. I KNOW that Jack will NEVER have to struggle in the same way Benji has, so I don’t know why he even needs the money in the first place. I am frankly disgusted by his greed and lack of concern for his brother’s future.”
Reddit’s Reaction
You might want to avert your eyes, OP, because Reddit fully thinks you’re the a—hole and stands by Jack. As far as they can see, OP is pretty much just punishing him for his success
“YTA. Your relationship does sound emotionally incestuous. You have likely lost Jack but you don’t care, do you? As long as you have Benji,” said the top comment with more than 10.2K upvotes.
“YTA Jack is being punished by you for being self-sufficient and taking care of himself. In the meantime, your son is rewarded for his idleness as he doesn’t work or support himself. You claim you have no favorites, but in reality, Benji is your favorite. You are aware that Benji will most likely rapidly go through what you leave him.”
“I don’t even know Jack and I am so angry on his behalf.”
“And how nice that OP knows the future! She KNOWS that Jack won’t need the money. Not like he could get sick, or become disabled, or have a child with special needs in the future.”
“Also £10k would maybe cover stamp duty and solicitors fees, certainly not a big chunk of a deposit on a family home. Whereas Benji would get a free house in it, possibly completely mortgage-free? I would presume since he has no way to pay for said mortgage even if he does get the house.”
There’s also the camp that thinks OP has been doing Benji a disservice by being his crutch. “Benji likely wouldn’t have walked away from everything hard if you hadn’t been there to prevent the consequences. YTA for failing as a parent.”
“OP has emotionally and mentally crippled her son to the point that he is useless to everyone and himself. This is entirely her fault and even when he becomes homeless, he will never be able to learn.”
“Yeah, OP needs to insist he starts working. Make it a condition to continue to live with her. And get him tested to see if he is on the spectrum … By allowing him to continue ignoring the responsibilities of being an adult, OP is really setting him up for failure when she does eventually pass. The good news is that she’s only 66. She probably has some years to help him get on his feet … make sure he understands that when she passes, the money will be split evenly between her sons … She needs to apologize to her other son and let him know the money will be split evenly. It sounds like she’s coddled the one and neglected the other for years. She needs to make amends for that.”
And for someone “getting on in years” — although, at 66, we hope you have many happy and heathy years to come, OP! — now is the time to start making those amends.
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