Holidays and pregnancies are a magical time. That magic being that for some effed-up reason, they end up bringing out the worst in people. *Sigh* Why can’t we all just, ya know, live, laugh, love … yada, yada, yada?!
One lucky woman on Reddit is currently pregnant and preparing to spend Christmas with her in-laws. And so she found herself needing to join the “Am I The A—hole? (AITA?)” subreddit to vent about her sister-in-law.
This woman who originally posted (the “OP”) has been married to her husband Todd for three years now. He is a widower with a 9-year-old son, and he is “pretty close” with his sister Monica. “She’s nice to me and all but she seems to be a bit controlling especially when it comes to Todd,” OP said in her post, which got so much engagement that the moderators locked the comment section. “But that wasn’t a real issue until after I got pregnant.”
Of course. Tale as old as time.
And though we’ll get into the details in a second, the gist is that OP wants to know, “AITA for refusing to attend my in-laws’ Christmas unless SIL removes the stocking that has a different name than the one I chose for my unborn son?”
The Weirdness Begins
After OP found out she was having a boy, Monica (the sister-in-law) insisted that the baby’s name be Tommy. What?! Not your call, Mon. And if you, like one commenter, are wondering if Tommy was a family name — “like her dad or a child she lost?” — the answer is no.
“No Tommy in the family … totally random name which makes me even more confused as to why she’s so hung up on it,” OP responded in the comments. “Makes no sense honestly.”
OP refuses to go along with the name “Tommy.” She has a different name in mind that Todd loves.
“He chose to stay out of the fight saying maybe we should just let Monica call him Tommy,” OP said, making us seriously question Todd’s judgment. “I refused and asked her to please respect me and the fact that I’m the mom, not her, and she said okay.”
Now It’s Christmas
“Like always,” Monica is getting ready to host Christmas. OP and Todd were planning to come to dinner until they found out that Monica had hung stockings with the names of her kids, nieces, and nephews.
And yes, there was a “Tommy” stocking.
Of her own volition, she not only got a stocking for a fetus, but she got it personalized … with a name the mother has insisted won’t be used. How offensive, undermining, and entitled is that?!
“I was livid. I lost it on her and there was a huge fight. I told her I won’t be coming to her Christmas dinner if she doesn’t remove the stocking or put the real name and then I left.”
The Fallout
When OP and Todd got home, he started yelling at her, saying she was trying to “ruin” an “important family tradition.” He also told OP she was overreacting (because that always goes over well) and that she can’t tell his sister what to do in her home.
“He tried to convince me to come but I said no,” OP said. “Not until she removes that stocking and it doesn’t look like she’s going to do it cause he spoke with her and he’s now mad at me for ‘making a huge deal out of it.'”
The Middle Man
OP’s brother-in-law Philip (AKA Monica’s husband) has now gotten involved. He called OP to say Todd would be “devastated” if she didn’t go and that it would “ruin” things not only for the adults but for the kids too. Yup, playing that card. OP and Todd now only communicate via Philip, and she is starting to wonder if she overreacted.
And so she’s turning to the internet for guidance.
Reddit’s Reaction
The summary of Reddit’s reaction can actually be wrapped up and stuffed in a [non-Tommy] stocking. Because “WTAF” really doesn’t take up that much space. Redditors cannot get over this beyond-bizarre situation, and say it boils down to the relationship between Todd and Monica.
“It’s a power play,” one person said, getting 16.3K upvotes. “This is your husband’s sister’s way of telling you that Todd will always take her side. Now that you’re having his kid, she wants to make sure you know that SHE’S the one who calls the shots.”
“If OP doesn’t decide to get out [of the family],” one person started (because Redditors have been putting that on the table), “she needs to get her husband into counseling with her immediately because this is only going to escalate. You just know SIL will call the kid Tommy whenever she’s around.”
“Honestly getting him to couples therapy is key. There is no chance that a half-way decent therapist is not going to call SIL’s behavior batsh*t. Some people are so used to certain behavior in their family that they can’t tell that the rest of the world would perceive this behavior as flat out insane.”
“I wouldn’t be shocked if OP’s husband uses Tommy while SIL is around, because ‘it isn’t worth the fight.'”
“‘Son, just answer to Tommy if your aunt is around, it makes her happy. But do me a favor and don’t tell your mommy, okay?'”
“That’s going to be so confusing for little Not-Tommy.”
Confusing that he’s called by different names, sure — but maybe even more confusing that his dad doesn’t stand up for his mom.
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