A person joined the “Am I The A—hole” subreddit today to vent about a situation between them, their sister, and their adult niece and nephew. Or, as the internet likes to call nieces and nephews, “niblings.” This aunt or uncle (or “pibling,” as the internet says less often) has a 21-year-old nephew and an 18-year-old niece, both of whom told their mom they plan to legally change their names.
This person who originally posted on Reddit (the “OP”) said their niblings would always ask people to use nicknames and that their niece was the most vocal about the “hatred” she had for her name. Regardless, OP’s sister is having none of this name-changing nonsense. Apparently, she’s been trying to guilt trip her kids into keeping their birth names, and so OP felt the need to say something.
“She told me she doesn’t want to hear what I have to say … and she has every right to try to convince them to do the right thing,” OP wrote. “I told her she should still lay off … or she might find she hears way less from her kids than she does now and they might be less inclined to tell her stuff in the future, which she also wouldn’t like.”
“She told me to leave after telling me I had crossed a line,” they continued.
So now they are turning to Reddit for advice and to find out if they were the a—hole for stepping in.
The OG Names
Now to address the Big Q in the room: What are their names?
Katherine and George.
Which surprised a lot of Redditors. It’s not like they had some outlandish name like Cheelee (IYKYK).
“My niece said ‘Katherine’ made her think of the old lady who lived down the street from her and she felt like it was a really old lady name or a name someone who wanted to appear so mature would have,” OP said. “She wanted a name that sounded younger.”
What Now?
In middle school, OP’s niece took inspiration from one of her favorite books and started going by “Ember.”
As for OP’s nephew, he’s been going by “Ryder.”
The Argument
OP’s sister is feeling a mix of sadness and anger about both her kids wanting to change their names. She keeps telling Ember that wanting to sound young is a “dumb” reason to go through with this.
“She told her the name Katherine has a lot of history surrounding it and sounds far more adult which she now is,” OP wrote. “She told her she just wants a trendy modern name and can’t see the benefit to having a real name.”
“She hasn’t been as harsh with my nephew but she goes more for the guilt trips with him,” they continued.
Upping The Ante
The mom is “being so extreme” and “driving them crazy,” per OP. So much so, that Ryder is now considering joining his sister and changing his middle name too.
“My niece said she doesn’t want either name her mom gave her and would rather have just a first name than carry around names she doesn’t like.”
And now, dear reader, you know what happened next. OP tried to play referee and wants to know who made the foul.
Reddit’s Reaction
Ok, so if the question is, “Is this aunt or uncle an a—hole for stepping in?” Reddit has mixed feelings. They say OP was right to try and advocate for their niblings, but should ultimately step back now that their opinion has been voiced.
“You’re attempting to mitigate the damage your sister is causing for herself. You’ve said your piece though. She rejected your advice, and feels that you’re intruding, so from this point on, let her be. There’s only so much you can do in a situation like this. Try to be supportive to your niece, nephew, and also to your sister, even if her stubbornness blows up in her face.”
Redditors wish OP’s sister would be supportive, but they also understand why she must be so upset. She put so much thought and care into picking out those names that have so much sentimental value for her, especially if the original names were family names.
“I’d be brokenhearted if my daughter decides to change her name. I wouldn’t fight over it but there would be definite hurt that she hates a name I agonized over for 9 months,” they said.
All that said, if their mom and others insist on calling these siblings by the birth names that they hate, people can understand why they would want to go through the legal process … even if they might not understand their exact choices.
“Your niblings are hella cringe 🤣🤣,” one person said about the proposed names.
“NTA but I’d also go ahead and encourage your niece and nephew to explore names that make them sound less like porn stars from the ’80s.”
“In 10 years they are likely going to regret their self-inflicted YA Romance protagonist names.”
“They have chosen the most awful, fan-fiction/soap opera, childish and tacky names. Both names sound like what soap opera writers would use to introduce two new troubled teen characters to shake things up. Enter Ember! Ember is not like other girls. Underneath that cool reserve is the soul of a poet and a burning desire to prove herself. Don’t forget to watch next week as we introduce Ryder. He is a bit of a maverick. He has a motorcycle and scowls a lot. He will have a dark secret which will be teased all season long only to end up being something disappointing and stupid.”
“People are going to assume that OP’s sister picked out those embarrassing names!”
Never-ending jokes aside, people agree that if this is what Ember and Ryder want to do, they can do it and should be supported by their family.
“I’m trans so [changing your name is] kinda par for the course but the reason to change your name for anyone tends to be the same: you didn’t like the name you were addressed with, you found one that fits and makes you feel more confident, the name feels more like ‘your name’ than something else and you wanna stick with it.”
“It’s their identity and their name to choose.”
“Names are personal and it matters more that your niblings are happy and validated than your sister’s ego and preferences. She can change her name to Katherine George if she loves them so much 🤷♀️ I say this as someone who cannot for the life of me get some people to stop using my legal name. I hate it so much. It’s like nails on a chalkboard.”
“Adult children can do as they like. Changing names isn’t actually hurting anyone so their mother can’t really step in …These names aren’t being changed just for some sort of aesthetic, either. Nobody has their name legally changed ‘just because,’ because it takes a lot of time and effort. OP, do whatever you can to show support to Ryder and Ember. Buy them things with their new names on them, like journals or keychains. It doesn’t have to be expensive. It’s about the gesture.”
We actually really like the sound of that. The internet can debate the names and whether OP was an a—hole all day long. But the fact that that is a wonderful, priceless gesture isn’t up for questioning.
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