Parents get to exert a lot of control over their kid’s lives. Especially when they’re young. What they eat, what they wear, and when they sleep is all technically up to Mom and Dad (although most defiant toddlers will tell you otherwise). But one thing that parents can’t control is their kids’ emotions. Especially once they get to the age when they can name those feelings themselves.
A 22-year-old woman joined the “Am I The A—hole? (AITA?)” subreddit to talk about her stepmom who apparently missed that memo. The woman who originally posted (the “OP” according to Reddit lingo) explained that during the holiday season, her 10-year-old cousin from her biological mom’s side came to visit. He’s from “a whole other continent” and this is the first time he’s visited in six years.
“We only managed to spend a handful of times together over the break, and he’s set to leave in a week,” OP wrote.
She’s anticipating a final “meet-up” with her cousin in a few days and her stepmom (who she refers to as “SMom” in the post) gave her a talk about not crying at said meet-up. It left us asking ourselves, “Um…what?” And it left OP asking the internet, “AITA for shutting off after my stepmom told me not to cry in front of my younger cousin?”
Where This All Came From
OP said her SMom’s “concern” was based on when OP cried when she said goodbye to her cousin a little while ago, wrongly thinking it was their last day together. The night before, OP and her cousin had talked about their sadness and that they would “miss each other dearly.” Especially since they weren’t sure when they’d see each other again.
“That day though, I wasn’t sobbing, just visibly tearful and upset,” OP recalled. “In fact, I was even the one comforting and reassuring my cousin that everything would be okay and I was only a message away.”
SMom reminded OP how upset her cousin was and told her she needs to “control herself.”
“Knowing he’s younger, I understood the expectation for me to be ‘stronger,'” OP said.
And On It Went
Things just went in circles from there. Despite OP assuring her SMom that she would try not to cry, the guilt trip kept on going.
“‘Don’t you feel bad for him?'” SMom asked. “I repeated [that I’d try not to cry] but with a bit of a tone which I feel bad about. After that, everything was a bit of a blur as I just kept nodding and I tried to make my mind wander off so as to not speak anymore ill.”
Things are tense now and OP is confused. She said her SMom is better at holding back tears while she is “admittedly more emotional.” OP is offended by the implication that she hadn’t considered her cousin’s feelings and is unsure if her tears are an overreaction that needs to be reined in.
Reddit’s Reaction
Redditors unanimously agree that OP is NTA and can’t believe SMom’s “absurd demand.” In fact, they say it’s a good thing — both “natural and healthy” — if her cousin sees her cry.
“Weird of your SMom to police your emotions. It’s normal to be sad when you won’t see family for a while, and I feel like this could set a weird precedent for how your cousin processes his own emotions if the people around him act like crying is a bad thing. So many men are taught to be ‘strong’ and not cry, and it causes so much pain emotionally. It would be good for your cousin to be able to see expressing yourself is okay and not something to be considered ‘weak.'”
“It’s good for children to see that adults can have emotions too. It’s also good for children to have their emotions affirmed. Your cousin was feeling bad because he was going to miss you, you were going to miss him. You shared those emotions together…Your cousin saw that he was loved and would be missed and that an adult could relate to how he was feeling.”
“It’s totally fine to be emotional, and your cousin will probably understand it’s coming from a place of love. Don’t beat yourself up about it.”
Put pettily, “You can always promise [SMom] that you will not cry at her funeral.”
And put simply, “Ignore her. If you have to cry, you have to cry. She can kick rocks.”
This Isn’t The First Time
But you probably guessed that, right? We saw another case of family members horrified by tears on Reddit in May 2023. A mom wrote about how her husband takes their toddler outside of the house every time she starts to cry. He’s afraid the tears will “damage” their child.
“What I would prefer is for our toddler to see [my spouse] comforting me, but my spouse thinks that I should be able to always comfort myself,” OP said.
Redditors felt the same way then as they do now.
“Your kid learns how to cope with their emotions by you showing them that A) It’s okay to feel, B) I can do something to help myself feel better, and C) Feelings pass and are temporary,” one Redditor said
“In what major way is seeing an adult crying that much different than seeing another child crying?” another asked. “Adults and children have emotions and children should see adults have emotions. Making sure that we model healthy behavior is important. Crying in itself is not unhealthy.”
Celebs Know This Too
Retired football player Andrew East shared the most heartwrenching baby monitor footage last year of him with his 4-year-old daughter Drew in her bedroom.
“I’m simultaneously ecstatic and grieving,” he captioned the video on Instagram.
“I need you to stop growing up,” he said to Drew while sitting on her bed. “Alright? What am I going to do when you’re not my baby girl?”
“I’ll still — I’ll love you so, so much,” Drew insisted. East — who also shares sons Jett and Bear with wife Shawn Johnson — then told his daughter he’s “a little scared.”
“It’s ok,” she said, giving him a big hug. She then started wiping away what he assured her were happy tears before giving him a kiss and cuddling.
Yup!!! We’re tearing up just thinking about it. And followers were beyond moved.
“That is so important for girls to have a dad that is that vulnerable and sweet. Total game changer. ❤️❤️”
“Good job dad! Teach your daughter that real men feel love deeply and can express it even when it’s painful ❤️🥰 ur raising a girl who will conquer the world 😍”
SMom, you have the chance to do the same. Just let OP feel what she feels without the fear of judgment.
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