Grief might be one of the hardest emotions to navigate. It’s incredibly painful for an adult, never mind a kid who may have never felt the all-consuming feeling before. As hard as it is to grieve, some might say it’s just as hard for parents to know how to comfort a grieving child. How can you be there for them when they’re at their lowest? How can you properly help them go through the five stages of grief?
Those are hard questions to answer, but there’s one way that a 17-year-old on Reddit thinks is just plain “stupid.” The teen who originally posted (the “OP”) explained that three of his 15-year-old sister’s “good friends” recently passed away. Three.
We can’t even begin to imagine managing that pain now, much less as a teenager. Not “just” the loss of one friend, but three. Meaning some of the people this poor teen might have leaned on during this hard time died too. It’s just unfathomable, and we’re so sorry to hear OP’s sister is going through this.
Her mood and lifestyle have understandably changed and while her parents may have good intentions in how they’re trying to help, OP joined the “Am I The A—hole? (AITA?)” subreddit to explain why he just can’t get behind their plan.
How Is OP’s Sister Doing?
OP explained that before this tragedy, his sister was “very energetic” and “rather ‘girly.'”
Now, though, she does the “bare minimum bathing and grooming” and no longer styles her hair — something she used to spend a lot of time on. She also wears the same few hoodies and sweatpants on repeat.
“More strangely, she’s been going at cardboard boxes with a knife until they look like the product of an angry animal,” he said.
OP’s Parent’s Plan
That’s so hard to hear, and OP’s parents must be struggling to know what to do. They ultimately decided to “incentivize” their daughter to “go back to her old self.”
“They talked about removing the non-pink and white girl stuff from her closet while she’s showering and redecorating her room while she’s at a cheer practice (which they haven’t let her quit after she asked) to try and ‘get her into the correct headspace,'” OP wrote.
This made OP laugh and he told his parents this was the “dumbest idea he ever heard.”
“They ignored me at first, but I continued and said that I will not let them live their failure down,” OP said. “They said if they wanted my thoughts, they’d ask. Things got heated, and I said that with them, there’s no wonder she’s miserable.”
Now he’s getting the silent treatment from his parents and wants to know, “AITA for calling my parents’ plan stupid?”
Reddit’s Reaction
Redditors can’t believe this situation and are doing everything in their power to validate OP. “Never in the history of this thread has there ever been more of a NTA. Thank you for being such a good big bro,” one person said.
The good news in all this is that his sister is indeed in grief counseling. And maybe it’s time OP tell her about their parents’ plan so she can talk about it with her therapist. Maybe the therapist will then be able to reason with the parents. Because a room makeover is not the solution.
“Wow. It’s not every day I see such breathtaking incompetence when it comes to dealing with grief,” one Redditor said. “Changing a color palette is not gonna help anyone. Your sister is in desperate need of therapy, support, and allowing her to find her own way to grieve. Everybody deals with grief differently…I hope your parents can understand that. Maybe give them some articles about dealing with grief.”
“Gotta wonder, since they’re totally focused on superficial ways to cover up ‘the problem.’ To me, it sounds like they’d just rather pretend it isn’t happening. This is to make THEM feel better, not her,” another said.
Others were on the same wavelength, saying the parents are living in a “delusional fantasy” that changing appearances will alternate the grief-riddled reality.
“If you wear pink, we don’t have to notice your pain!” another person said. One Redditor even joked that two of the stages of grief are “rejection of pink” and then “reorganization/recovery; reintegration of pink.”
But it’s not pink that heals all wounds (unfortunately), and it’s not only the bereaved that need therapy. Sometimes loved ones need counseling too, and these parents clearly need a professional redirect.
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