Self-help books are one of the most popular ways adults share their wisdom and try to guide each other through life’s struggles. Imagine if there were a way for toddlers to band together and share their life strategies, too.
Toddlers pretty much have the opposite concerns of adults. They want to know how to have less organization, less routine and do things that are less beneficial to their overall well-being. These are the guides to help them do that. Whether they’re looking for new ways to pull an all-nighter or trying to get every night to be a pizza night, here are the self-help books toddlers would write.
Food-Free Forever
Healthy versus unhealthy? Psh. That’s for amateurs. As the toddler saying goes, “Why eat healthy when you can just stop eating altogether?” You might have your “Whole 30” or your “Everyday Vegetarian” cook book, but toddlers know food is not a necessity. They’ll pen this book to help get you on board.
The Art of Clutter
While the grown-ups are off trying to “get things in order,” the toddlers will be over here reading up on the benefits of tipping over the toy box. Sure, you can’t walk without puncturing your foot on a pointy toy, but more is more, and life is more fun when your house looks like it’s been ransacked by exceptionally careless burglars.
The Year of Naked
Why look up fashion tips when you can just burn your clothes in a flaming pile and run naked down the street? Toddlers know clothes are for suckers, and that’s why they’ll create this book to at last rid the world of the burden of covering our butts.
The No-Sleep Solution
If there’s one thing your toddler wants help with, it’s getting rid of that pesky bedtime. Adults are scrambling to figure out how they can get a solid eight hours, but toddlers? They just want to jump on the big bed and party ’til dawn. Forget chasing a little shut-eye. Toddler sleep guides would be all about figuring out how to a get a whole lot of open-eye.
How to Get a Yes Every Time
Need I say more? The last thing a toddler wants to hear is no more toys, no more cookies or no, you may not have chicken nuggets for breakfast again. If toddlers really jumped headfirst into the self-help genre, their first order of business would be figuring out how to make their parents go along with each and every one of their whims. Then they’d author this horrifying guide to help their friends in the process too.
The Idiot’s Guide to Effective Tantrums
Like toddlers always say, why get a little bit out of control when you could completely lose your shit? Adults read guides on asserting themselves or asking for a raise, but all a toddler really needs to know is how to throw themselves on the floor at Toys ‘R Us without sustaining any permanent injuries.
If toddlers wrote self help books
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