For parents, a solo grocery shopping trip can be a blissful retreat.
A trip to Target is supposed to be Mom Paradise, after all. But throw kids into the mix, and it’s a whole different ball game. A leisurely stroll up and down the dry goods aisles can turn into a mad dash for everything on the list before the inevitable meltdown comes. Here are the grocery store bullets you’ll have to dodge in order to keep your chill — and your kid’s — until you’re safely past the checkout line.
Cart selection
If you have one child with you, do you stash him in a regular old cart and risk his screams of dismay? Or do you grab the cool car-shaped cart meant for families with two kids or more, and become that asshole as you parade through the store with your ill-gotten gains?
Conversely, if you are the one with multiple kids and you arrive — as you inevitably will — to find that all the double carts have been usurped, what then? Try to convince one of the little buggers to walk, or crawl? Stash one in the back of the cart and hope she doesn’t develop a new interest in base jumping before you’re done shopping?
The sample lady
At first glance, the sample lady seems like a great boon for shopping parents. A free cookie or cheese stick is a great way to occupy an antsy toddler. It’s all well and good until the treat is gone. Good luck racing up and down the rest of the aisles while your 18-month-old bangs his fists on the cart handle and demands, “MORE!”
The cereal aisle
Got kids old enough to explain the finite nature of free samples to? That’s good, except that then they’re also old enough to plead their case for why buying this box of weird cereal is the most important contribution to their well-being that you could ever make.
If you do buy the cereal, of course, they will eat one bowl and then the remainder of the box will sit on the shelf until the end of time, while the kids take the opportunity of the next grocery store trip to wheedle you about buying them the next weird off-brand marshmallow-and-sugar trash. If you don’t buy the cereal, you have the rest of the shopping trip to look forward to with grumpy kids who will move at the speed of snail. You can’t win, unless maybe you buy the cereal and then donate the unopened box to a food pantry before your kids remember it’s supposed to be in the cupboard.
The narrow aisle
Nothing’s better than unpacking your groceries at home only to discover that your small child has helpfully added 13 packages of onion dip to the cart while you weren’t looking. Also good: looking up to realize that your child is curiously perusing the contents of a purse left in an adjacent shopping cart. Check if she’s got any good coupons in there, Sweetie!
‘Helpful’ children
The only thing less helpful than a toddler who is being actively recalcitrant is one who is actively trying to offer you assistance. Unless, of course, you enjoy eating horrifically bruised tomatoes that have been eagerly thrown into a cart by an excited 2-year-old, or fresh bakery donuts that have spent some time on the grocery store floor thanks to your kid’s earnest-but-incompetent efforts.
The freezer section
Should you dress your kid in a parka to make him almost warm enough for the freezer aisle, or in a T-shirt so he doesn’t get too warm in the rest of the crowded store? It doesn’t matter; he’ll complain whatever he’s wearing.
Checkout-line candy
Quick! Start a game of peek-a-boo and hope they don’t notice the giant wall of candy they’re sitting right next to.
The self checkout
Pros: usually less waiting, no checkout candy. Cons: your kids will want to do the bagging, and you will find your eggs smashed under 12 pounds of cream-of-whatever soup.
Leave a Comment