Kids aren’t particularly well known for what they bring to the world of music. Case in point? The entire Kidz Bop discography, for starters. But there’s always one thing they can be relied on to do when you’re trying to listen to your favorite songs of questionable appropriateness: reinterpret the lyrics in ways that don’t always make sense but do always provide you with a good laugh.
Starbucks lovers
Liz’s daughter, like most little girls, is a fan of Taylor Swift, particularly the song “Blank Space.” But she sings it just a little bit differently than Taylor herself:
“She swore it was, ‘What a lovely Starbucks lover’ and not ‘Got a long list of ex-lovers.'”
Didn’t we all, kid.
Pair of dice
When Teri’s daughter was 5, she was particularly enchanted with “Paradise” by Coldplay. Key misinterpreted lyrics?
“At the part where the lyrics go:
‘She’d dream of para-para-paradise’
My daughter was sure the words were:
‘Pair of, pair of, pair of dice.'”
When a Man Loves a Walnut
When Lara was little, she had a knack for wrecking up soft-rock adult contemporary hits:
“My parents still laugh over the fact that when I was little I thought Michael Bolton was singing ‘When a man loves a walnut… ‘”
John Jacob Jingleheimer S…
Katy heard a little accidental profanity while babysitting, she told us:
“It was a babysitting charge, not my kid, who sang ‘John Jacob Jingleheimer Shits!'”
Which pretty much sums up how we all feel about that song after the 15th or 16th rousing chorus.
Douche
Jess was talking about douches and their respective bags back when douches were still for vaginal irrigation and not a common descriptor of the people we dislike:
“I used to sing, ‘Blinded by the light: Revved up like a douche…'”
One Erection
Sometimes it isn’t the song but the singer who gets a misnomer worth a little giggle. Take Kristen’s little one, for instance:
“[My daughter thought it was] One Erection instead of One Direction.”
Rock, dude
Teri’s daughter, the apparent reigning queen of misheard song lyrics, had a better hook for Imagine Dragon’s summer earworm, “Radioactive:”
“She would sing at the top of her lungs: ‘Riding a rock, dude, riding a rock, dude!'”
Ducks in the wind
When Mary was younger, she preferred her own version of Kansas’ biggest hit, belting out, “Ducks in the wind… All we are is ducks in the wind.”
To go
Jeanne, who raises her daughter right, recalls a time her daughter misheard the lyrics to a certain Vanilla Ice song:
“… During ‘Ice Ice Baby,’ when they say ‘too cold, too cold’ in the background, she thinks they’re saying “to go, to go,” as in take-out food.”
Clowns in my coffee
Poor Ursi. Her thoughts on Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain” were a little disturbing: “I had some dreams they were clowns in my coffee, clowns in my coffee… ”
Baboons on the right
Ursi remembers a second cautionary tale hidden in Creedence Clearwater Revival’s “Bad Moon Rising,” she told us. “Don’t come around tonight, ’cause it’s bound to take your life, there’s a baboon on the right.”
Who’s got a gun?
Jamie had a cute anecdote: “My daughter thinks ‘Janie’s Got a Gun’ says ‘Jamie,’ and that it’s about me. For further clarification, I have a tumultuous relationship with my father.”
Silent night, hold me tight
This holiday season, Estee’s daughter was a fan of Christmas carols, remixed kid style: “She was just in there singing, ‘Silent night, hold me tight,’ instead of ‘holy night.'”
Hot Pan
You have to love a kid who’s self-censoring, like Sarah: “My 8-year-[old] didn’t misinterpret the lyrics, but she sings ‘hot pan’ instead of ‘hot damn’ in ‘Uptown Funk’.”
Like a lady
Stephanie shouldn’t be the least bit ashamed of a lyric so many of us misinterpreted in the days of “Mrs. Doubtfire,” but she is a little anyway: “‘Dude looks like a lady’ = ‘Do it like a lady… ‘ Thank you, Aerosmith.”
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