The bank teller with the basket of lollipops. The receptionist with the roll of sparkly stickers. For many parents, when a stranger offers your child a small free gift, you see your little one’s eyes light up with joy, while you’re desperately trying not to roll your own.
No one wants to be the parent that says, “No thanks,” when your child is offered a freebie, but these seemingly innocuous little free gifts have giant strings attached for the parents.
We all know it’s the thought that counts, and when someone gives your child a small token, they’re just trying to do something nice. But instead of brightening your day, these free trinkets and snacks can make an afternoon running errands even more of a drag. Here are 11 “freebies” moms absolutely do not want you giving to their kids.
The toy kazoo/whistle/slide ruler from the dentist
Did we do something to offend you? Did we fill out the insurance part of the paperwork incorrectly or ask you to validate our parking at a bad moment? Is this your way of telling us that you know our kid was lying about how often they floss? Because while we appreciate you wanting to give our child a trinket that’s doesn’t have cavity-causing potential, these toys have got to be the No. 1 cause of throwing trash out the car window.
The balloon
Because with a crying infant, a child whining for French fries every time you pass a fast food place and the teen in the next lane steering with one hand while texting with the other, what parents could really use is another distraction while driving.
The mini candy cane
Stores love to hand out mini candy canes around the holiday season, and it’s easy to understand why. They’re festive and delicious. But candy canes quickly sharpen to a wicked point, and concentrating on the road during the drive home is much harder when everyone in the backseat is armed with their own miniature shank.
The sticker
Stickers are the ninjas of freebies. At first you love them because they keep your child quietly entertained for an entire car ride home, but a week later you find yourself using “colorful” language in the laundry room as you realize you forgot to take the sticker off the shirt before it went through the dryer. Every time we see that fuzzy grey patch it’s a reminder of our domestic failings.
Chocolate
Sure, chocolate is much less of a choking hazard for toddlers than hard candies. But it often melts before our child can eat it, triggering a melt-down of their own. And cleaning it up is never simple. Parents deal with enough brown smears on kids as it is without adding their hands and faces into the mix.
Paper crowns
Because our child’s ego is big enough already without having to refer to them as “Your Highness.”
Lollipops
It doesn’t matter if they just woke up from a nap, have barely finished breakfast or have a serious stomach bug — Kiddie Code states that if a child is handed a lollipop they must immediately demand to stick it in their mouths and then use it to “paint” everything within a 10-foot radius.
Toys from kids’ meals
These toys are the opposite of fun. If you’ve got one child they’ll be upset over not getting the toy they wanted. If you’ve got more than one child, one toy will instantly be deemed the “cool” one, and you’ll spend so much time playing referee that your fries go cold.
Deli cheese
It’s a completely kind gesture when the deli worker offers your child a slice of cheese as you’re ordering. But although we look like we’re smiling, that face is actually a grimace because we know that somewhere in the pasta aisle our toddler will inevitable hand us a wad of partially-chewed American with no garbage can in sight. Bottoms up!
Peppermint hard candies
Assuming they don’t choke on it and force us to remember that child CPR class we took last year, kids are sure to spit these out halfway through. Every year the floor of a mom’s backseat looks a little more like the outside of a gingerbread house.
Cookies
Because our child never wants to share with us.
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