Wake up. Get dressed. Eat breakfast. School drop-off. Soccer for one kid. Gymnastics for the other. Dinner. Homework. Sleep.
If this kind of super-regimented routine sounds familiar, well, that’s no surprise. Today, children under 12 have precipitously less free time than any generation before theirs, as unstructured play and moments of respite have taken a backseat to a roster of activities that would exhaust most adults, much less young kids. In the race to be so-called “good” parents who extend every opportunity to our children, we may have inadvertently pushed aside valuable play.
The seven parents ahead have made a concerted effort to build downtime into their schedules, and while it certainly comes with its speed bumps, they’ve found it worth their while — both now and, they predict, as their children grow up. One technique may just inspire you.
This post is sponsored by GoGo squeeZ.
Allow Boredom
“When my son gets home from school, he has time to chill out and unwind from a busy day, which he does by building blocks, reading or doing puzzles — his three favorite at-home activities. If I’m done working by the time he gets home, we’ll play together or talk, but generally, while I get down on the floor and play with him a lot, I don’t think it’s my job to ‘entertain’ him. I believe a bit of boredom sometimes is good for creativity and brain development. Kids need the back-and-forth of social interaction mixed with solo play to build independence.“ —Elise, 39
Send Kids to Their Room — To Play
“We send our kids upstairs to play before bedtime. Yes, sometimes they make a mess or annoy each other, but unstructured playtime has had so many benefits for our kids in terms of stress level, general happiness and transitioning to bedtime.” —Jessica, 44
Put It on Their Chore List
“This probably sounds counterintuitive, but I think it's important for both kids and adults to schedule downtime. We've been doing this for several years, and it has been amazing to watch what they've done with that time. It’s when they build up their creativity muscles, learn problem-solving skills and figure out how to work together. I find that they now really enjoy each other's company, and I believe that's a result of spending time together during free play.” —Mary-Carolyn, 43
Instill It From an Early Age
“Downtime in our house is often about riding bikes in our neighborhood or going in the woods in our backyard to explore nature and listen for birds. We’ve instilled these almost meditative practices in my son, Levi, since he was a baby so, luckily, it’s not very difficult to get him to comply. The times when it is tough are when we wait too long, and he’s fully overstimulated and having a hard time coming down, which just reinforces to us why downtime is so important to begin with.” —Ashley, 30
Make It a Daily Ritual
"I allow my son and daughter have unplanned time each afternoon to entertain themselves. I want them to be able to occupy themselves and not need to always have planned activities. I sometimes feel like I’m failing at this, because my daughter will ask, 'Mom, what are we doing tomorrow?' or 'Mom, where are we going tomorrow?' It’s definitely a work in progress — for all three of us — to carve out time each day to be able to be happy and complacent with doing 'nothing.'" —Sarah, 33
Read Their Cues
“My 7-year-old granddaughter lives with us, and as she’s gotten older, we’ve encouraged her to talk about her feelings and needs. She’s told us she needs time to center herself when she gets home. Since she innately knows she needs this space, we honor it rather than forcing our own agenda and timetable. For example, she came home the other day, excitedly said hello to everyone and then politely said she wanted us to just let her be by herself for a while. Us honoring her desire to be ‘set apart,’ as she puts it, has enabled her to develop the ability to notice and take appropriate action to regain a sense of control when she needs it.” —Debi, 60
Avoid Overscheduling
"I wouldn't say that I give our six children 'downtime.' Instead, I make sure we are not overscheduled in the first place. I find it's easier to take this approach than to try to slow our life down in the rearview mirror. Today, for example, the kids did a three-hour camp, chores and some summer homework. Now, it's 2 p.m., and with their free time, one child is at a friend's house, one child is on the swings, two are napping and one is playing ping-pong. Yes, structure is very important, but learning positive use of your free time is more important. My children may fight more, ask for more of my time and say they are bored, but they are also learning how to hang out, exist, relax and be self-starters. In the short run, it's more work for me, but in the long run, I'm confident my kids will benefit from knowing what they like to do with their time — and eventually with their lives." —Kysa, 44
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