Remember the iconic scene in Sex and the City when Carrie Bradshaw got dumped via a Post-it note? It was a horrible way to end a relationship, but boy did it make a great story.
In hindsight, a lot of breakups are like that — awful in the moment, but then they become one of your favorite tales to tell down the road. Maybe it’s because your ex broke up with you in an absurd way, or like my co-editor, you broke up because he had some preposterous relationship expectations, like thinking marriage meant he’d be able to have sex every day.
Most of us have our own tale to tell about breakups too, and for that reason, we asked our Community to tell us about the most absurd ways they were broken up with and the real reasons they broke up with their exes. Their answers range from the hilarious to the heartbreaking, but having been there myself, they’re all too relatable.
Had no forethought
“I broke up with my ex because he had no plans for his life. He barely thought of the right now, let alone his future. Quite frankly, I was done using him as a catalyst to improve myself as I worked through some of my personal issues.” — Kendall Patton
Cheapskate
“We worked in the same building and met in the parking lot. My scooter wouldn’t start and his was parked right next to mine, so he offered to help. This led to introductions, coffee and a date. We found we lived pretty close to each other and started meeting after work every day. He was attentive and I was thrilled.
“Gradually, though, I realized he was a tightwad. It was not a major issue until a mutual friend’s wedding came up. I bought the gift and he offered to write on the card accompanying it. I saw he wrote his name and then mine. I let it pass. But the final straw was when he began borrowing money and then my stuff. He took the ‘what’s mine is yours’ a tad too seriously, and I realized that a good conversation and sweet talk only amounted to a load of crap. He never introduced his friends to me and was pretty secretive about his family. Then a friend saw us together and later asked me what the heck I was doing with him. Turned out he was a total sleazeball. Good lookin’, but a playa. Ugh. Love is blind. But not deaf. I just walked out of the relationship.” — Vidya Sury
Cheater McCheaterson
“I found out he was hooking up with a friend of mine, so I waited until we were in front of her and told both of them I knew.” — Kathy Myers
The Red Sox losing streak
“We were drinking beer in a sports bar watching a baseball playoff game and our team lost. My boyfriend said, ‘Well, the Red Sox are history, and so are you.’ This was a long time ago (seriously, I was only 21 or 22) and I didn’t even see it coming! (Unbeknownst to me at the time, I had a lot to learn about relationships.) I’ll just put it this way: Beer and sorrow do not mix.” — Caroline Poser
Mixed Messages
“On my 20th birthday, I was dumped. My boyfriend of four months was supposed to come visit me as we had been in a long-distance relationship for three weeks. We were at an awkward place where he had told me he loved me, but I hadn’t said it back. The eve of my birthday came and I got a text from him saying that he wasn’t going to be able to stay for as long as he thought he would. The excuse was thin, and I was angry he hadn’t told me sooner. The next morning, I got a call from him, a conflicted boyfriend who wasn’t sure if he should come. ‘Oh, because I am not coming for as long as I planned, I don’t know if it is even worth it.’ Worth it? I was his girlfriend, and I thought we missed each other. The fight eventually turned into him yelling, ‘I told you I loved you, and you know what you said? Thank you!’ He decided not to come, and I was very angry.
“Later that night, after a lot of fighting, I got a text from him that said, ‘I don’t think we should see each other anymore.’ I texted back ‘What? Can you call me so we can talk about this?’ But he never texted back and called me the next day. He said that we should take a break, and I just remember being really confused. I said, ‘Whenever someone says that, it’s always permanent.’ This boyfriend was a person who ran away from conflict as far as he possibly could. He was one of the most cowardly men I have ever known.
“I had a T-shirt of his that I slept in, and the next day I wanted to send it back to him because we were done, but I waited a week out of respect. Once he got the T-shirt, he texted me and said, ‘What the hell? Why did you send this back to me? Why would you hurt me like this?’ It then occurred to me that he really meant it when he said we were on a break and he did want to get back together at some point. But I was done. He had proven that he was a man that I didn’t love and never would, and I really didn’t want to waste my time dating someone like that.
“He continued to bug me throughout the years, always asking to get back together. I went on a study abroad to London to get over the breakup and a week before I left, I found out he was going on a similar study abroad with his college at the same time I was. There was a married couple in my study abroad who were best friends with him, and I knew I would see him at some point. Sure enough, after a matinee performance of The Taming of the Shrew at the Globe, there he was with the married couple. I had flown thousands of miles to get away from him, and he had asked to get back together a month earlier, but there he was. Absurd, right? He continued to bug me, and I asked him to please stop contacting me, but he still did. Years later, I heard he was living with someone, something that was very much against what I thought were our shared beliefs. I really dodged a bullet.” — Lauren Packer
TSA
“I was basically broken up with by a TSA agent instead of by my boyfriend. I was in Ireland with my Irish boyfriend of two years. We were there right after 9/11, and he brought the wrong passport, so he got flagged by the TSA, taken into a room and not allowed back in the United States. I flew home without him. Afterward, when we realized the only way to stay together was to get married and bring him here legally, he decided he could do better on the other side of the pond. Thanks TSA! You did me a favor.” — Dr. Cooper Lawrence
Dog ultimatum
“He said, ‘It’s me or the dog!’ The next day while he was out, I had all his things moved out into the street and changed the locks. Obviously I chose the dog. But when I thought about it later, the truth was that I saw the way he disrespected me, made ridiculous threats and pushed me into taking a stand. He wasn’t good for me, and my dog saw that. I’m so glad that when it was over, I had my best friend there to lick my face.” — Crysta Icore
Stalkerish behavior
“He was annoying and turned into a stalker boyfriend. If I was out and he heard men in the background, he’d make me blow kisses through the phone and call back nonstop. Sometimes I’d come home late from a night out with the girls and he’d be sitting on my front steps waiting for me to get home or he’d hide out in his car and call saying he’s at the front door once he saw I came home alone. He was deranged!” — Dena Reid
Birthday blues
“I got broken up with in the early hours of my birthday whilst extraordinarily drunk. The lad in question was slightly less inebriated, though not enough that he noticed when I tipped a glass of water onto his laptop in the process of storming out!” — Annie Knox
He chose my sister
“My husband decided he was in love with my sister, so he left me for her. But when he died a few years after they were married, my sister and I were able to remain the best of friends.” — Kathleen Kelly
Ghosted
“He wasn’t a boyfriend, but we were dating, and he was Prince Charming. He swept me off my feet, was polite and a complete gentleman who was into me. AND THEN HE LITERALLY DISAPPEARED (and no, he didn’t die; I checked).” — Ali Arnone
An excuse to get out of the house
“I had an on again/off again boyfriend in my early 20s, and the final time I broke up with him was because he was pushy (which is what I told him). But honestly, it was because I was not the least bit sexually attracted to him and just dated him to be able to get out of the house more. I told him I was breaking up because I wanted space.” — Carol Flythe
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